What Faith Can Do~Brother Erik’s Testimony

Hello Angela,

I just got out of the hospital, I went to the ER because of my anxiety and depression and panic attacks. It was just too much for me, I felt like I was losing the fight so badly, and in a way I was because I was trying to fight alone.

Thankfully the Lord was with me, he gave me the boldness and strength to pick myself up and get my dad to take me to the hospital. They had me in a psychiatric ward for 4 days, with other people. It was completely voluntary and I’m glad I went because the Lord had people in there waiting for me, he even had my roommate set up that I was able to relate to him right away.

I honestly felt at home there with all those beautiful people, I was surrounded by people I could relate to but best of all people that wouldn’t judge because we all understood each other’s pain and problems. I was able to over time overcome my anxiety with social interactions and talk with them and make friends.

Jesus had an awesome doctor waiting for me that was so kind and understanding and I knew he was working all things for my good. I was also able to push through the barriers I set up and be myself without feeling ashamed or embarrassed and I’m glad I did because some people said the drawings and artwork I did in the group sessions made their day. Also the weird thing was that 3 or 4 people said I reminded them of people they knew which was awesome and I knew right away that was the Lords hand over me, he used me there to help people out. And not in some big way either, mostly just by talking to them and smiling at them as they would pass by.

Best of all out of all of this is that I was able to get help I needed and also made sure I had a following plan so I wouldn’t be stuck after I got out. Because my biggest concern was that I would get out and still be stuck in the hole I created for myself. Jesus reaches down into the pit and pulled me out and carried me through the places and path I needed to be on.

This past year has been the roughest storm I have had in my life so far, although I know the storms aren’t over I can now go through them with the trust and faith that he has builded into me. And so I want to thank you and everyone else at Ring of Fire and Council of Time. You all have helped me so much with my faith, and helped shelter me spiritually from the storm.

I praise my Heavenly Father every day and give him sacrifices of thanksgiving because he broke me, brought me down low, he allowed me to dig that “pit” in my life so he could call my name and make me his son. All in his perfect will, he’s helped me see that he allows us to dig our pits in life, he allows us to do the sinful things so he can save us and pull us out of that pit. All thanks to the blood of Jesus and his sacrifice of pure love full of grace and mercy and most of all, love.

And so I thank you and everyone in this wonderful family because the Lord brought me into this place, I was naked and you clothed me, hungry and you fed me, alone and you comforted me. I was one of the “least of these” so what you did you did unto Jesus. And I’m thankful I can call you and everyone else brother and sister ❤️❤️❤️❤️

THANK YOU and you all are loved and blessed souls, I can’t wait to see you all around the throne with our Lord when that time comes,



An Opened Heart ~ Brother Grizz’s Testimony


Lord Jesus I want to start this testimony out with a thank you for all you have done. It is truly my hope that it will bless someone to look towards you and call upon your name .

My name given to me on this earth by my mom and Dad is Geoffrey Warren Neufeld. Everything is purposed, even my name here on this earth as my family was German background and is Canadian now.

Most people may start their testimony from the beginning and work their way to now.  Instead, I want to thank you Lord for leading me to now and work my way back to the beginning. Now is fresh in my mind – then will take some time to get through. I know you are here leading me. I know you are with all my brothers and sisters too.

I have many family members that I love greatly at c.o.t. and meeting more all the time in his will, his timing, his way. I will be spending as much time as I can with as many as I can, while there is time to do so. My walk is blessed more and more, with all the company he has set along the path, set before me. I pray for each of them everyday and am blessed to do so. I love because he loved me first. I sure do love my new c.o.t. family they sure do mean much to me. I thank you Abba Father, I thank you Jesus of Nazareth for each of them in my life and me in theirs it is a blessing for sure.
Today Lord I am at peace, you have given me much. I never had much in my life, but because of you I do. It is you that has filled my life with family with friends. It is you who raised me when I could not even stand. I lean on you for all understanding Jesus. If I lean anywhere else, I always failed in my ways. Today is a blessing as with every breath, I truly am free of all burdens in my life. I am overjoyed with love because the more I give out, the more I receive and it is a win win all around. I could never win at anything in my life before I met you. Today I see the World with a different mind set than ever before. I see many struggling on their walk with you, just as I did for a long time too. I know Lord Jesus that life is a gift, every breath is the breath of life. I am thankful to have many in my life because there was a time I was thankful to have no one in my life. But not today Lord Jesus of Nazareth, not today Abba Father. Today has been full of love as every moment I have rested in you, you prepared an awesome meal, it took many hours to eat it all, but I shared and was hungry for more. I thank you lord  for filling me with that blessing of giving and receiving. You Lord provided me with  a blessing of 104 brothers and sisters to share in that meal and as the meal continued through out the hours that went by, goodness flowed in and prayers went out so more goodness came. It was awesome and I thank you for that family you have provided here at home online and all over this Earth you placed others I have not met yet, but am looking forward to in your will, your timing, your way. I stayed up for many hours, so much goodness that time was irrelevant. My grandchildren were with me this morning and after they woke up that was a blessing to see there smiling faces. My wife also woke up smiling and my mother in law too – all a blessing. My step daughter stopped over and she took the grandchildren home after their long blessed visit. I see she also woke up smiling. I have a friend that has been in my life for a long while now and his name is Stephan. He has had 180 bones broken in his body through out his life and time spent with him always is good. He walks and is in good shape and I’m blessed to know him, thank you Lord Jesus.

This whole week I have gone through much. On my birthday I turned 47 on the 13 day of the 7 month. You took me through a spiritual battle that my life seemed to be at stake. Spiritually, the Devil took one more shot at me and lost. I will give more details on that dream in my COT profile and will title it “My strongest moment of weakness.” On the other side of that dream, I came out feeling free like a butterfly. It was awesome thank you lord Jesus of Nazareth. That morning, one of my neighbors children age six was playing on the road andI heard him stand in front of my house and yell as big as he could “I rebuke you satan” and it was a blessing. As the day went by I did not celebrate my birthday but others somewhat did as I received a couple happy birthdays and a card also a gift card from my step daughter. It was a blessing, as I forgot it was my birthday until my wife said “Happy birthday.” I spent most of the day listening to scripture and kept media player on in case Mike stopped in to speak. I also sat in chat room but did not say much as I wanted to stay close to you and I get much joy in sitting among the brethren and staying close to you. You have taught me spiritual is good, but for now we are in this World, not of it, so you taught me now to spend time with others too. Life is a gift that should be shared and well, share I will always do.

Looking at it now, I learned a lot from my grandchildren that I was teaching how to share. Of course, all lessons are purposed through you and Father, Lord Jesus of Nazareth I thank you for that day I received the greatest gift of all, as all of me was finally given up to you and you changed me much. I do believe you never let go of me, no not once did you ever let go. You brought me to a point that I can finally live without the sins of my life weighing me down, no soul ties either. I thank you Lord for helping me to put all that down and be free. I could never do it on my own and always it was you and Father working to raise me up.

Over the last year I have gone through many struggles, not by myself, Jesus Christ of Nazareth was always there. Sometimes I doubted, but he taught me one of those struggles was losing my step son at the young age of 34 when he died of cancer. He never told us he had cancer as he kept it hidden from us. He also kept his children hidden from us too. I got to finally meet them at the funeral. I miss him even, now I loved him greatly and told him often. Towards the end of his life and through out all his life, I wished I got to spend more time with him, but not often enough. I met him when he was 12 and his sister was 15. I myself was 26 then and I thank Jesus for the way family gathered around to help out with the funeral and very glad to have 2 more grandchildren in my life now. I have a total of 7 grandchildren and 1 I have not met yet from my own son. I know about him through my son Colten and was able to chat on Facebook one time with him for the span of about 1/2 an hour. I had not talked with him since he was four and a span of about 18 years went by before I was blessed with a small moment to do so. I will cherish that moment forever and hope one day I can have another opportunity to speak with him. I got to talk briefly with my son Kyle too that same day. His mom got involved and put a stop to it and I pray for Audrey, her husband Mark and their children, my children and all their family every night and I hope and pray they stay protected by my Lord Jesus always. During that small time on Facebook I also started a relationship with other family members I had not seen in 18 years or more. My sister, my mother, my brother, aunts and uncles. I think I lost them all again, when I posted a “Make marijuana legal” picture on there, but that is okay. I was still learning and still smoking Marijuana then. Today my Lord has blessed me from that curse and I no longer do. I also pray for my brothers, sisters, mother, cousins and family every night too. I wish them the very best in all things. I desire to meet them again one day, but do not feel bad about how stuff happened as I would not be here now where I am, close to Jesus, resting in him if I did not go through what I went through. Not by my own strength but by his. Some days I could not even lift my eyes, nor did I remember where up even was. But I know now and am blessed with every breath. Thank you Jesus of Nazareth. Thank you Abba Father. For a few years when my step daughter first had Grandchildren I was a crack addict and a drunk and lost my step daughter for awhile, but gained two grandchildren, as she left them on our door one day and did not return for six months. Even then I was praying for her and I still do every night. Her life and struggles are also purposed and I hope one day she will write a testimony too. I sure do love her and those children too. She now has 4 children and has asked Jesus into her life. Her children also know Jesus and I am blessed by all My Father has purposed. I pray for her every night and know that my Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth is doing great and mighty works for all he loves. She has a split family, as her oldest two now live with their Dad. I get to see them quite often and am blessed every time I do. Their dad is loved by me means much to me. I pray for him every night and am blessed to know him. Thank you Jesus of Nazareth, thank you Abba Father for keeping us all together, somehow you always found a way and I will always be grateful.

My wife and I met at the age of 26 when I moved from the East coast to the West coast. When I arrived I stayed at a motel and her family and herself were already living there. We were all drunkards back then, but some how my Lord found a way as he always does. Today I don’t drink alcohol or take any drugs at all, period. My wife is also blessed to be free of cocaine and alcohol. Thank you Jesus, even my mother in law quit alcohol over the years. Thank you Jesus, life is a blessing, a grand adventure that is worth living. The last 3 years living at that place was a struggle as many people that moved in there were stuck on drugs and being mistreated by all those around them. I was one of those people thinking I was better because I quit. instead of raising them up I stood guard for all those around me that were trying to live good. I stayed up almost every night watching, keeping an eye out and a couple times I slipped and got drunk. One night I got drunk and passed out and my neighbor was murdered. He lived next door to me and I did not hear the struggle. I had a dream about a struggle that night, but did not know why until I found him 3 days later when I crawled in through his back window and found him next to his bed. I felt bad for years and took it upon myself that it happened because I let my guard down. I know different now. Now I know all is purposed and I miss him and hope to see him again one day. I also found another friend of mine dead in that same apartment on the other side of that same bed about a year later. Him also I wish to see again. In that place Beladean Motel I found about 11 people dead in their units through out the years. All friends, all missed. As purposed as life is, I was blessed to know each of them for the small moment I got to. We lived there for about 18 years and when the place was being demolished by the city, everyone had to move. To this day the lot is still empty, except for one tall cedar tree and an apple tree standing guard waiting for life to return. I walk by there now and then, since we only moved 4 blocks away where I am now. My wife’s aunt bought us this place. We made payments over the years and now own the mobile home and it is a blessing living in this small community of 200 families. I am getting to know more of them as time goes by. This community is like a safe haven in the city, outside the property many need help. Every time I walk out of the community here, I pray for all I see. May My Lord’s will be done in all their lives. One day the lord lead me to touch each lamp pole all around the block and pray that the light that comes off each pole is his blessed light and all that stand under it get filled. I desire that prayer to stand as long as the poles do, knowing all is purposed and I’m blessed with my home and huge family.  Thank you Abba Father. Thank you Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Before that I lived on the East coast for 3 years. I moved out there as I met a friend here where I live in this city years earlier back in 1989. I moved there to catch up with him as I lost my family and all I had; wife, children – all I loved. He was the one friend I still had. I am blessed to be known of him too back then and I pray for him when I remember him, also. Tonight I will thank you Jesus for the time spent out East.

Before that I lived in Manitoba for a year or so and I lost much due to many burdens in my life. I was not a good person and carried many addictions, anger and hate. Much was wrong with my mindset. I had a family of my own with 2 children. Abba Father took care of them by getting me out of their lives and giving them a good dad to raise them. When I first lost them I moved to a small town where I grew up was still drinking, trying to hide it. I had been going to church and had pastors pray over me one night, laying on of hands as I sat in a chair they asked me questions and came up with 22 demons I had in me. I felt the Holy Spirit all around me and much was lifted that day but not all. I went home that night and struggled to move and saw a green frog with huge eyes sitting at the bottom of my bed. It was a demon and I called on Jesus and was able to wake from the dream. Back then I had sex dreams too and it was all messed up in my eyes but purposed too. Thank you Abba Father, thank you Jesus, you have always been there for all you love. I am blessed with the time I did have with my Pastors and Family then.

Before that I was a Dad myself at the age of 20 with 2 beautiful children. I got to watch them both come into the World and was there through my wife’s struggles. It was a blessing and a miracle to partake in our common law marriage which lasted 4 years and I’m grateful for each moment. Thank you Jesus, thank you Abba Father.

At the age of 18 I met my first born son and it was a blessing as I already stated above. I was living in Alberta at the time when I got the call that Audrey was pregnant. I did not know if I would see her again as I moved 3 provinces away. After I got the call, I worked hard and raised the money and sent it to her so we could be together. As I did not want any children of mine not growing up without their dad. Things went not as I planned but how he planned and it was a blessing. When she arrived I was in a full leg cast because I got hit by a car doing 54 mph and was still getting around pretty good with cast on. I had to feed my family so I got the doctor to cut the bottom of the cast off so I could go back to work. I would walk 1 mile with a cast to get to work 5 days a week.(quite often people would see me and offer a ride, blessed I was). in my life I have had broken ribs, broken bones, broken homes, broken dreams and all a blessing and I’m glad to partake in it. Thank you Abba Father, thank you Jesus Christ of Nazareth for without you I would not be where I am now.

Before that, I left home at the age of 15 and checked my self into foster care. I did not want to go back and my dad did not know why until many years later. My mother also knew why years later and apologized to me after she found Jesus. For years I could not forgive her but do now. I am blessed with the time I did have with her and all my family growing up. I keep them in my prayers and hope the very best for each of them. I desire to meet them again one day and all is forgiving and all is purposed. During those years I got into drugs and alcohol. I got cut open one night while I was a coward and trying to hide under my blanket in fear. The attackers left when the police arrived. I did not die that day but almost. All is forgiven, all is purposed.  I pray that the Lord’s will be done in their lives also, now and then. One day if they make it I will give them a hug and tell them I love them too.

During the time I was in foster care I was in and out of 24 different foster families. None wanted me as I was too hard to handle. I pray they are all well and hope one day too I can meet them again. I thank the Lord and Abba Father for all of it. Wow what a blessing to know that many families in such a short span, that had purpose too. Each family taught me a lot as the years went by. I took some of that goodness with me and I thank the Lord for each one of those families.

Before that I grew up never quite fitting in, never quite belonging anywhere. I asked Jesus into my life at age 11 when I was in the woods as I would sneak out of the cabin to pray. I thought I had to hide away from everyone to do so, but now I know he was always with me. Thank you Jesus, thank you Abba Father for sending your son. At that time, age 11, I was still wetting the bed at night as I lived most of my life in fear, especially at night. The Lord took that problem away one day and I am blessed for all Abba Father purposed. At the age of 11 I found out my dad was not my dad. My parents waited until I was old enough to choose if I wanted to be or not. They thought that was a good thing but it tore me in two to know I did not belong to him. To this day I still have no idea who my biological dad was but I do know my Father. Thank you Jesus, all is blessing now and purposed too.

From here back, I will just say life was rough growing up from 0 to 11 as I do love my Family even now and wish them all the best. I do pray for them and I have been hurt by them and hurt some of them too. I hope one day they can forgive me as I have forgiven them. I miss them all and desire to meet them all again one day. All is purposed and I love them still.

I had been sexually abused, physically abused and emotionally abused through those years and I also made many mistakes too. I also abused others. I hold nothing against anyone and do love them all. I know now the truth that –  in me and in them too it was not us but something else working and its evil and that something has lost and I am now free. I will say though I wanted to be a skunk as no one ever bothered a skunk. I was asked by my dad at 4 what I wanted to be that was my answer. My earliest memory came from my grandma telling me at 3 months old as she was babysitting me and I had back and blue all over my body except for my head. She said she held me close and cried over me for an hour or so. When she told me of that I remembered being held by light and I remembered love and it was a blessing. I know now that was the Holy Spirit in her loving me too. Yes even me too… woohoo woohoo thank you Abba Father, thank you Jesus of Nazareth the only Begotten Son of the living God.

Well there you have it folks – my testimony backwards, so you know its all truth. I thank my Father in Heaven. I have broke every commandment he had. I broke them all, he loved me even more. So much so, he sent his Son to save me and he surely did too. He is not done as he is still working in the lives of all those he loves. That’s right, he is working in your life too. Be blessed and know he is God. Trust in him as he will get you through even if you don’t know it yet. Life is a blessing and I’m glad to partake in it all. I stand here this day blessed, loved and highly favored. I know he has plans for all his children and any that call upon his name will not be forsaken. Just like he will never give up on you, I wont either.

God bless you all.
I do love you all. It is true, ask My lord Jesus Christ, He will tell you.

John 1 King James Version (KJV)

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

2 The same was in the beginning with God.

3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.

4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men.

5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.

Thank you Abba Father thank You Jesus Christ of Nazareth I could never of made it this far without You.
~Grizz, July 2018

My Journey In The Lord’s Hands ~ By: Kristen

?So for the past two years I have been on a pretty intense journey of learning about Jesus. Learning more about the man who gave me a second chance in life. Learning who I am to Him and just falling head over heels in love with the Word of God. For the past couple of weeks He has put it on my heart that I need to write my story. That others need to hear this and to know that what He has done for me, that He wants to do for them as well. I’m definitely not all the way where I should be but all I know is that I’m a work in progress and Hes going to lead me deeper in truth as long as I continue to abide in Him. So here goes… I will never forget being a little girl and just loving God with everything inside of me. Its like its just embedded within us; a knowing of who He is. My heart was so pure and genuine and my mama always asked me to pray in times of need. When I was maybe 10 years old or so, we attended this amazing church in Hattiesburg. Mama and daddy taught the five year old Sunday school class and me and my brother got to go to our class for our age. My Sunday school teachers knew that I had this love for Jesus and  they would let me take the Sunday school plan home and allow me to teach it to my class and oh my goodness I just loved that so much! One Sunday I was sitting in my mom and dads class waiting on time to get to go to my class and this lady walked her daughter in the room. Little did I know from that day forward my life would be forever changed. This little girl that the lady brought in was the most precious child I had ever laid eyes on. My heart was just drawn to her! Her name was Hannah and she had down syndrome. Over the next few Sundays I made a decision to help tend to this little girl so that my parents could teach the other students. Im sure that my parents really didnt just have to have my help but they knew I wanted to spend time with Hannah. One Sunday after church and eating at one of our favorite pizza restaurants, I told my mom and dad that I hoped that one day that God would give me a child that was just like Hannah. All I can say is the words we speak are extremely powerful! Growing up I would say that I had a typical childhood just like all other children. In my eyes in that time of my life, I had a very strong, beautiful, amazing, God fearing mother (I could really just go on and on about her but Im trying to keep it simple) and she was my everything! My brother who was the coolest kid on the planet and was my first best friend (Bless his heart I really aggravated him a lot) And my daddy was my absolute first love. If it would have been possible I would have spent every second of every day with my daddy. Just like most other families, I watched my mama and daddy start drifting apart. My daddy would stay gone for days at a time and I watched my mama just cry her eyes out with her bible always open. I felt like it hurt me just as much as it hurt her. Shortly after that I came home to see my daddy with his things packed in a bag and getting ready to walk out. I grabbed him as tight as I possibly could and I cried and I pleaded and I begged him not to leave me. But he grabbed my little hands and pulled me off of him and he walked right out that door.  My little heart was completely shattered. Life as I knew it changed that day for me. So anyways maybe a year later or so, might not have been that long daddy finally called and eased his way back into our life. At this point my heart was so hardened that deep down it was just whatever. I spent the rest of my teenage years turning to every bad thing I could find just to numb the pain and feel good. No matter how high or drunk I got in the back of my mind I always knew that it was wrong and I was sinning against God. But I felt like He forgot about me. At the age of 17 I found out I was pregnant so at 18 I got married and gave birth to the most beautiful 7lb 4oz little boy I had ever seen. He was perfect! At that moment I decided that I was ready to make changes in my life and be the mother that he needed me to be. Six months later I got the phone call that no mom wants to get. The doctor told me that he had down syndrome. I cried and I grieved and was in denial over that for a small period of time. As I was sitting outside on those steps of the trailer that day where mama and daddy were staying due to work I looked over at my mama and said…. Mama do you remember that day when I was little what I said? She said yes and we cried together some more. Sitting here reading back to what I just wrote keep in mind that I always on my own tried to be strong. Patrick became an absolute joy in my life! I believe apart of me just added that to my list of things that made me feel that God forgot about me. Patrick was my little angel and my life saver! My husband at the time wasnt ready to grow up. He continued to want to party and hang with friends and I was so torn because I was still a child myself and I wanted to hang out with friends too but also wanted to just be at home with my Patrick. We were married for a total of 8 years and throughout that time he broke every marriage vow there was to break. Im not saying I was the perfect wife either. Didnt break the vows but would cause arguments because of my own unhappiness. Five years after Patrick was born I gave birth to another beautiful little boy. My sweet Gage! He was just as perfect as Patrick.  So their dad never did keep a job so I was the one that had to work. I got a job working at the post office that I was extremely proud of. So worked their and also had another job I did also. Well my marriage continued to get worse and finally my husband got mad enough to fight me like a man. There were times where he had pushed me down before and punched me in the back of the head but this time it was a little different. I became afraid. I was afraid that if I stayed with him that my children would eventually see their father put his hands on me and hurt me worse. And I just didnt want my children to have to see that or hear their father continually call me names. I had finally reached the end of believing that he would change or that God would answer my prayers. Marriage was a big thing to me! Watching my mother my teenage years after her and daddy got back together I wanted to fight for my marriage and make it work just like she did. And so finally after a short few months of trying to keep peace in my home, so he wouldnt have a reason to jump me, I finally found my moment to leave! He had bowed up at me for the last time and me and the boys left and I just never returned. In my mind I still felt like God had forgot about me and just didnt understand. Didnt he still love me? Had I really sinned that badly against Him throughout my life that He didnt love me anymore and allow all these things to happen in my life? I felt like I just needed a break from this world! It was like one hit after another… Anyways my sister in law let us come stay with her until I could get on my feet and provide a home for me and my boys. Few months down the road I moved into a decent little trailer park that I later called the trailer hood. Still through it all I kept my silly sense of humor and my best friend wound up moving into the trailer right next to mine. Things started for once looking up for me! For the first time I was able to enjoy spending time with my children. It was so peaceful and just trying to do it all by myself with hardly any help made me feel so good! Had my money budgeted down to the last penny but I was doing it. So life starts looking good again and out of nowhere while vaccuuming, I got a phone call from this guy that wanted to meet me. It sounded nice but at the same time I wasnt real sure if I was ready to meet anyone. And with a good bit of peer pressure from a friend of mine, she talked me into meeting him. I can still to this day replay that first moment in my mind of him walking up to me and introducing himself. He most definitely had me at hello! There was just something about this guy that was different. Now Ive dated in my lifetime several decent guys but not one like this one. And yeah it was still kinda early to talk to another man because I was still going through my divorce and I warned him from the beginning how chaotic my life was and he still decided to talk to me. So anyways Wayne was not taking us being a part that easy. Neither was I but I knew it was right. He became very angry and started threatening to take the kids from me and even tried to burn his trailer down and come find me and kill me. Like I literally had a cop sitting in my driveway waiting on me to get home and make sure I wasnt harmed. Had protection orders filed against him and then finally after a year of pure craziness my divorce was final. Through all of that Kee stuck by my side. By this time things started getting serious and he asked me to marry him and move in with him. I said yes and packed our things and we moved to Brandon. Before I met Kee though I was laying in my bed one night praying to God and I told Him that I could do this on my own and that if He had other plans for me to meet a guy it would take one heck of a guy to even get my attention. I already turned away so many that were trying to talk to me and I just wasnt impressed. But the more that I got to know Kee the more impressed I was! I couldnt find one thing about him that I didnt like. And I just knew that if I didnt snatch him up that I would spend the rest of my life regretting it. So we finally got married October 24, 2009. Finally life was absolutely amazing and I had the perfect life! I contiued working for the post office and my husband was in the oilfield. After moving here I kinda got lonely. I didnt know anyone except the people I worked with and I was married to a man that was gone half the year. I started noticing Gage was really having a hard time. He was three years old and a little further behind than most kids his age. At first I just tried to ignore it and deny anything could be wrong with Gage. After getting kicked out of daycare and a couple preschools I then got a second opinion and just like that they diagnosed him with high fuctioning autism. Looking back I believe this was truly a breaking point in my life and I was just so sad and didnt understand why both of my children, whom I love dearly had to struggle like this. They already had a father that wasnt in there life much and not helping financially either. So after a year or maybe even closer to two, between the doctors, counselors and psychiatrist and combining different medicines together we finally found the perfect combination that worked best for him. At this point I was just tired mentally, emotionally and physically. And once again I felt like God just forgot about me because of my past and I thought in my mind that I had made so many bad decisions against Him and God had to just be absolutely ashamed of me. And I think I even convinced myself that everything bad Ive went through I deserved. My mind went into overdrive researching autism and trying to learn different ways to help Gage to overcome the struggles he was dealing with. I learned real quick though that the autism spectrum was so big that when you have met one child with autism, youve met one with autism. I was so limited resource wise. After studying many endless nights and crying I just gave up. One thing I need to express here is that I love my boys more than anything in this world! I always thought that there was so much I needed to teach them but man was I wrong! They taught me way more about life then I could have ever possibly taught them. And even though I sometimes struggle knowing that I cant take their struggles away from them and make their life easier, one thing I can do is love them through the trials that are stacked against them. And even though its hard for me to take them places on my own, I just keep turning to God to teach me how to walk this out without failing too miserably. Disabilities are tough but to see them kick tail and overcome struggles, I cant even express in words the happiness that comes from within me. All these things I have wrote about so far, keep in mind I held all these things in on the inside my whole life and never dealt with. On the inside I was about to explode with hurt and anger and sadness. But  I continued to wear a smile and put on this front of trying to present myself as this strong woman that had it all under control. So I continued with my job at the post office here where I live. And man this office was way different than the one I transferred from. There was way more routes than subs to relieve the regulars. I was working anywhere from three to five days a week. And I sure was enjoying the money that I was making. I was working this one route back during the Christmas holidays and I noticed that my leg felt numb. I figured it was just from it being so cold. As the day went on the numbness intensified to the point to where I didnt even feel my foot pressing the brake pedal down. I think it probably took a few days before I could feel anything in my left leg. Then I noticed my back started hurting pretty bad. It kinda scared me but I was really too busy to deal with it. Several months go by and Im still having issues with my back that finally brought me to tears. I then decided it was time to have it checked out. Had an MRI done and my doctor referred me to a pain clinic to get the care I needed. The dr told me that the reason I was in so much pain was from a bulging disc and degenerative disc disease. So they started me on pain medicine. In my past when I was a teenager I loved taking lortabs just for a buzz and liked them a little too much. But this time was different. No buzz, not even relief of the pain that I had going on. After getting treated at that clinic, shortly after I decided to find a new doctor. I felt like they were treating me like someone wanting to just abuse pain medication and at this point in my life I was sober. So I then found a doctor that actually dealt with back pain and was also a surgeon.  Throughout this time period the pain only got worse and the worse it got, the more I was sinking into a deep depression. Here I was with two children that needed me to be a mother to them and a job that all the sudden I was working five days a week and I had a husband that was gone for two weeks at a time so I really didnt get much help with the kids. I started trying to put the blame on my ex-husband. The last time he fought me I blacked out as he came toward me and I came to laying face first on the floor, crying and begging him to stop, while he continued beating me in my back. My back was covered in bruises weeks after our big fight so thats why I felt like I was dealing with these new set of problems. Once again I felt like God had forgotten about me. Here I was trying to do all the right things and take care of my special babies and it got to the point to where it took all the strength I had just to give Patrick a bath. One of Patricks biggest struggles is self help skills so I have always done everything for him. In my mind it just didnt seem fair that after everything else that I went through that I had to go through this too. It was like all throughout my life it was one hit after another! Some of the things were because of making wrong choices but then there were also hits that I had no control over.  And then theres that famous saying that everyone likes to say when they cant think of anything else to say: You are so strong and God doesnt give you more than you can handle. I despised that phrase because I knew deep down I was the weakest person I knew! For the next four years of my life, the pain intensified, the dose of medicines doubled, I started getting shots in my back, dealt with a hole in my spine and leaked out spinal fluid for a week and here I was trying to put on this fake smile and try to act strong until the pain finally took over and completely consumed me. I fell into more depression and began drinking more than I ever have. Started making wrong choices that then caused me to hurt the ones that loved me the most. And once I realized just how much I hurt those few certain people, I then began to hate myself in a very unhealthy way. Not only did I hurt them but I once again felt like God would never love me for real this time. I just knew I purchased that one way ticket that would send me straight to hell. Well the dr continued to monitor my back and continued further testing to finally find the extent of the problem. I had a ruptured disc that was leaking out into my back that caused inflammation that was pinching down on a nerve. All together I can honestly say that I might have had a total of two or three weeks worth of relief from pain in a four year period. Out of complete desperation of wanting to fix the problem I allowed the dr to go through with surgery. Immediately after surgery I could tell that my pain was not there anymore! FINALLY!!!! So I started enjoying life once again. It was summertime and we had a boat and we stayed in the water all summer; swimming, went hand grabbing for the first time and enjoying friends and family. Although my pain was gone, I had this huge knot right where they performed the surgery and it continually got bigger and bigger. Talked with the dr about it and he said he would like to go back in and just make sure everything was looking ok and so I agreed to let him open me back up. Keep in mind this was only three months after the first surgery. Hours later, after I woke up, the pain was worse than it had ever been. I went and had another MRI done so that they could look and see the results from the second surgery. Before my first surgery, I had one disc bulge. After the second, I had every disc from my L1 to my S1 bulging out, permanent nerve damage on my left side, arthritis and failed back surgery syndrome which would cause my back to continually break down. My doctor told me that if I kept working the job I had that my back would break down that much quicker. I lost my health, I lost my job, I lost so many things that I loved. I lost everything I was proud of. Everything that I felt made me who I was as a person. Scared it would get to the point to where I couldnt even take care of my children…. Felt like I would lose my husband… I began grieving deeply. Had suicidal thoughts. I was in a dark place I couldnt come out of…. So the pain just got worse and this one particular day I was up and trying to do for the boys and I was struggling pretty bad. So finally I just cried outloud and said “Why? Why me God? Why now when you know I have these boys to take care of?!?!” Little did I know He was right before showing me just why!  I have to admit that I never felt comfortable going to church. Maybe it was because I went to the wrong churches. The churches I went to always said that if you loved the Lord, He would bless you in every area of your life! And there were always those people sitting in the churches and its like these people didnt struggle like me. They didnt have the things coming against them as I did and they just made it look so easy to do life perfectly. Even though I felt these feelings inwardly I would still go to church here and there. I tried to read my bible but I just couldnt comprehend it. So I really didnt know that many teachings in the bible. One Sunday morning my husband talked me into going to church with him. I agreed to go so we put on our Sunday best and off we went. So while I was sitting there listening to the pastor he read this scripture outloud that completely caught my attention. One that I didnt even know existed in the Word but it hit me pretty hard! And we know all things work together for the good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose Romans 8:28  By that following Wednesday, this same verse was either told to me by someone or sent through text to me. I even randomly opened a book (which I never do) and it was right there! So five times within that time period! I finally felt like God was trying to get my attention and so I opened my bible and was trying to understand exactly what he was wanting to say to me. Didnt get the understanding at first, but after reading the whole book of Romans maybe 10 times or so it started making sense to me. So I started praying and talking to Him! Kinda how it is with one of your best friends. How you can go months, even years without speaking but when you do, you pick right up where you left off. I started asking him about my healing and to begin with I wasnt sure if he wanted me to receive that from him. One morning I got up and was headed somewhere to go do something. Cant remember exactly where but anyways I stopped before leaving and thought to myself well maybe I should take a pain pill before I leave that way I want have to deal with my pain. And all the sudden I had this thought enter into my mind. Why would I continue taking this medicine when first of all, it doesnt help with my pain and secondly, why do I allow this pill to dictate my every move? I then realized just how much control this medicine and my pain took control over my life! I then decided I had enough! After 4 long years of taking this medicine I chose to just completely stop taking it. My husband left for work and I laid in my bed and allowed myself to go through withdrawals and prayed my way through it. The pain was still there and one evening while I was cooking dinner, Gage told me that he was sorry I was in so much pain. I looked at my boy, smiled at him and said, “I might be in pain but my pain will never come before you or your brother” I turned around and continued with my cooking and all the sudden I had this vision…. A vision of me bent over…. It was the most powerful feeling I had ever experienced! I didnt even know it was possible that God could give someone a vision! After sitting there and trying to take in what I just saw I called my mama and she told me that not only did God give me a vision but also that there was a woman in the new testament that Jesus healed who was bent over! I went to the book of Luke and found the story and I just sat there in awe. That same night while I was laying in that bed, I closed my eyes and said, “God have your way with me” That night Jesus came and visited me. Laying in that bed that night not even having any understanding of what was taking place, its like he just kept taking all these different things out of my heart and showing me what he was taking out. I laid there all night long with tears pouring out of my eyes uncontrollably and all I knew to say was, “thank you so much God” He showed me that night that for the past 32 years that I had carried all these things inside of me and that I had been trying all this time to protect my own self and not giving it to Him. He also showed me that I had to forgive myself for hurting the people I loved the most and let it go and give it completely to Him. And its like all the sudden I felt His presence so powerfully and its like He was just filling me up on the inside with His love and peace and contentment. Finally at 3 in the morning I fell asleep and I’m pretty sure that was the best night sleep I ever experienced! For the next two weeks He continued radically delivering me! I even woke up most mornings with songs of Him going through my head that I never even heard of. Even though I still had this radiating pain running in my legs because of my back I just continued reading His Word. I would sit and just read the gospels until my pain would ease up. The word became my medicine and I allowed Him to be my Physician. I was still at this time wondering if He was going to deliver me from my pain and suffering. I read the gospels so much that I just got sick and tired of seeing all the people He healed while He was here on Earth. I started meditating more on Him healing people and its like I had this random thought that come from out of nowhere saying if I’m to believe the bible is true and its alive and its meant for today just as much as it was then, He doesn’t favor those people more than me and so I just started claiming it! And I told Him that very same day, that it didn’t matter if He chose to heal me or not that I would continue to praise and serve Him for the rest of my life. For the first time in my whole life I finally understood just why all these things happened to me. Why not me when there are so many people going through things that I went through and still would even be going through if the Lord didn’t deliver me! In his timing I received my healing from Him. A healing of the soul that manifested itself outwardly! I can honestly say that I am so glad that all these things in my life happened to me. If they wouldn’t have I wouldn’t have been able to experience His love for me as strongly as I did and do to this day! Throughout our lives things are gonna come against us. That doesn’t even matter because we all know that for a fact. Its all about how we choose to handle those trials. If we wholeheartedly gave all these things to Christ, then we could at all times live in absolute perfect peace. To whoever reads my story just know that things can get better! He loves you just as  much if not more than me and wants to just be your father! If you will put all your trust in Him and just let Him take control of your life He will help you with everything that comes against you! Always choose no matter how busy your life is to put God first. Its so important because all these other things that the world continually keeps us busy with can be taken at any moment. The way I see it, if I cant spend my personal time with God first then why should I even get to enjoy the things hes blessed me with? He laid his life down for me and for that reason I choose to lay my life down for Him as well and spend the rest of my life trusting him and living out His will for my life.

A Testimony of OVERCOMING in Jesus~

?Our precious sister Angel R shared her testimony with us.  I pray it encourages you on just how mighty the Lord is in our lives, as He is ever present.

My story begins back in 1963, the year I was born. By 1964 at 8 months old I had been adopted by my parents who had tried 8 years to have children. Needless to say, as we lived up the hill from from my grandparents, my mom’s parents I was the apple of so many eyes. The Lord had his hand in my life and had already delivered me from a life of foster care. I lost those grandparents in a car wreck. I was supposed to be with them but the night before they left my granddad had made a remark about how he wanted his headstone. He stated how his life had been full and he felt it was to end. Well, my mom would not let me go. That next day, they were both killed by a drunk driver head on. Again, the Lord had been there. I was raised in church and was baptized at 6 years old. My parents thought I was just it. I was smart and made above average grades. My brother who is adopted never got into any trouble. Well, trouble was always my middle name. I had noticed that things I heard in church did not match what I was seeing and I was confused. I felt like because I was expected to be a perfect picture for the community to see, was just not right. I was never perfect but nothing less than absolute perfection was tolerated. I started smoking pot to cope. I was given a choice of 3 professions in life to choose. None of which interested me, so I turned down a scholarship to college. I have never been forgiven for that. I ran off and married a thug and got pregnant and soon divorced. The Lord had shown me a serpent and had always been there. Things progressively got worse as I remarried and had 2 more kids. I was hopelessly addicted to pain medicine. I had suffered debilitating migraines my whole life. Nobody believed me. They only accused me of being an addict..and I am saying that I have been a terrible addict. But each time I had that pain in my head I said outloud, ” God, am I having an aneurysm?”. Keep that thought. Years of abuse went by and I had successfully kept my weight down by using pills and cocaine. I was anorexic. Nobody knew that I had been abused until after my kids needed that warning of how not to ever allow abuse to happen to them. My life was spiraling out of control in 2005. My husband was arrested for drugs. My daddy was 69 and going through chemo in stage 4 lymphoma. We got that news the day of that large tsunami. My oldest daughter had brain surgery from a seizure while the other daughter accidently overdosed at school. My son had surgery from a tumor in his chest..3 times but it was never cancer. By the time hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans I had that brain aneurysm. The older daughter  walked into the bathroom with staples in her head and asked,  “Mama is that the aneurysm you talked about?”. That day the Lord was with me. He had been there through it all and that was the day I learned how real the power of words can be! I spoke that into existance out of ignorance. Even though I was given a 30 % survival chance at best, I was too blind or stupid to be scared and never had any fear. I was the dodo coming out of NICU dragging the iv pole out to smoke…across the street. Even smart people can be very ignorant under an addiction. Mine led to lethal levels after weeks on a morphine pump. It had become deadly and intravenous. I was buying medicine they give to dying cancer patients to keep them comfortable. That all stopped when I mixed it with cocaine. I did not know that the scare at home had actually been a heart attack until years later. I had lost my martiage of 20 years, he went to prison. I lost my home. I lost my kids to grandparents. I lost my house and all self respect. I lost my best friend to an overdose. Years have passed. I went to jail a couple of times. My kids have issues. Both parents have cancer now. I spent far too long running from myself and from the Lord. I have dragged shame and guilt for years. Tears are pouring down my cheeks trying to type and knowing that maybe just a few can relate. I have been raped. I have been called a failure. I have been told that “God would get tired of fooling with me”. I was scared and so ashamed it took drugs to cope. It was so bad that my poor elderly Daddy would give me his pain medicine so I could just eat and not be sick. I have been the blame for my kids drug problems. It is my fault if anybody is at fault. Does anyone understand how that shreds a soul into pieces? It hurts beyond any hurt. I have always loved my kids more than anyone knows. Yes I gave the one daughter medicine after she took all of hers after brain surgery. Her head was as large as a basketball. No one knows what they would do for their child to be out of pain until they are faced with that situation. I was just so happy the Lord let her live. Listen. There are many like me. We can overcome. I do still smoke. I have married again. I am happy. The memories are painful. I never took anybody for money and I was the only one ever in the car warning the others that if they try this thing there are consequences. I was honest and I tld them the risk. I was wrong but I can honestly know I had been truthful and even if I had contributed that I had been honest first. Through it all, I forgot about how to help myself. I was too self consumed with the whole withdrawal thing. I did sit as a queen. Now, I am stuck with the memories that are left behind and the reality of the hurt and pain that I caused everyone. I try and talk about Jesus and they never take me a anything but high. I say to them all how much I love them and I get accused of being on some drug.
I do not blame anyone else. I did it all and much worse than that. This is barely scratching the surface. I was supposed to be this and that. Nobody ever asked me what I wanted or what mattered to me. I ran from the only real help because I was taught that Christians do not associate with people like me. The prayers concerning the police were all so misguided. The prayers when standing in all the pharmacies passing my own written prescriptions waiting and sweating until the sack was in my hand, again so misguided. I ran for so long but I always called upon the Lord even when it was misguided. Now, please do not think I am still in that spirit. I love my Lord more than words can say. He has delivered me and my family more times than I can even think about. If I told you all of it I would need a publisher. My husband has had cancer. He has had liver failure. Joint disease and bone disease. We married the day he became a hospice paient. He was given 6 months to live and that was 7 yrs ago. We found the Lord in truth and in spirit. I talk to Jesus and praise his name. I can not understand how a person could not accept salvation. If they are running it may be out of shame. We need to catch them and tell them he only wants us to be who we are. Everyone has fallen short of being perfect even in the scriptures. All but Jesus. I have finally learned that he can love a drug addict when they have no hope or love of self. We have to realize they have been stripped of all pride and cast away. Satan has done so much damage. He brings drugs in and makes them a crime and profits from it all. We have a great physician already. If I had gone to the Lord my God first instead of as a last resort I could never write this messed up truth. I am still the same compassionate person that he made me to be. I am honest to the point of embarassing myself, but if this truth helps one person understand one thing…Jesus is there and he is waiting on you. He lives you when nobody else loves you. He cares for you regardless. He died for you no matter if a needle is in your arm or a pill in your hand. He wants you just to come home. He will take you back when nobody else accepts you. He understands that no addict wants to be a prisoner. He wants to dry away all the tears and make it okay. Will you please come to him? He will not judge you. He knows your pain and you are forgiven. He knew we all would fall and he is hear to catch us all. I understand the spirit of addiction. It is a demonic, private hell of our own making. He can fix it. It is a heart problem. If you can forgive yourself today he will be there waiting. You are forgiven so I beg you please come home whatever your condition. The world passes judgement upon us but Jesus is love and mercy. You need love and mercy. I am begging for all addicts whether its a cigarette or a anything to lay it down at the throne of grace and come back. I know how you feel and every day I pray for those like me and you. I love Jesus Christ of Nazereth. He has been there chasing me for many years to come back and he is chasing you, too. Please forgive yourself and find your way home. I stand with all of you in spirit. He will deliver you. He has forgiven you. Please accept his sacrifice. That is what it takes to end that bondage and be free in your heart. It is the heart that counts not if you are perfect. Just try one day at a time; that is all we have. He is there holding out an invitation to return. I beg you to come to him. He is your only hope and he is home. I hope that this may help someone out there in a situation that they can end right now. I am sorry this was long but if one soul can relate and be helped to come home then I can know that I have done something for a soul in need. Thankyou for reading my story. I pray it blesses someone and they forgive themself and come home. I am not concerned about being judged any more than I have already judged myself. I have found that forgiving myself has helped heal my heart. I know if he can forgive me that I should forgive myself. We are in a school for souls and are about to graduate. Please come home to Jesus. His hand has never left you one time, as his hand has delivered me and those around me. Just consider the works of his hand….you are that work. Honestly, there is no possibility of me ever forgetting how his hand has been in my life. The odds alone of surviving overdoses and aneurysms and just so many times I have walked out of death itself that it may be embarassing a little to share and bare all. In truth, it would be very selfish not to openly show you, the reader, how he has been in my life delivering me time and time again whether I have deserved any of it. Thank you Jesus for saving me from myself and I will stand with those in need every day interceeding for them to just come home. May the Lord bless you all.

Angel R?

Prayers of covering through the storms~

Below is a testimony I received from Brother Dennis in which the Lord covered and protected his family and dwelling during the recent East Coast storms.  This is just an amazing testimony how the Father protects us in our time of need and turns around to use our Faith to reach others in their times of need for encouragement.  PRAISE THE LORD!?
The father answers our COT prayers of covering over family.
Wind sheared off limb at 90 degree angle away from house.
Mail box only thing damaged.
After tree fell a multitude of blesings corrections and opportunities to witness and blessing to others followed.
The hand of the living God is enough.
Feel free to share to the edification of the only begotten son.
GBU and yours love and hugs, Dennis

Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil ~

Testimony of a Voice Crying in the Wilderness
My purpose in divulging this is for the honest truth. I believe that as it was stated in Genesis concerning the tree of knowledge of good and evil, we can see that a parallel today is our phones and our computers as all we say and think is recorded. We are judged by our words so I will keep my words honest even if it hurts me by embarrassing myself. We already know that the devil is like a roaring lion ready to devour. He uses our words against us if we are not wise. Have we all messed up? Probably. It is time for us to be wise and to see this spirit of accusation that is just overwhelming all that it can. It loves to expose and extort and accuse. We can render Satan useless by being honest about ourselves which leaves little or no room for that spirit to operate.

I do not usually say much online. When the internet first came out something about it made me feel so uncomfortable thinking about words being made public for all to see. It can be such a blessing as well as I know the good news of the gospel is being preached to all the world online. I saw my teenage kids always putting their business out there as I warned them against that. I also felt like it was so very impersonal. No voice to hear and no eyes to look into. It has made us forfeit a lot of our discernment. We can choose this as a Godly tool for the kingdom as we learn to walk by the spirit and see the internet world as a tree of life, or we can listen to the serpent and let it be used as the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

Social media has been used for many good things but look at how people are hurting each other. Even just reading comments can make us form wrong opinions about someone if we do not stay in the spirit Christ. It has been such a productive tool of both good and evil. The question is for all of us to choose. Which tree do we choose in this digital world? Something tells me that if we, especially those in the body of Christ are not so careful to be wise and true, then it can be used as our fall. We need to be holy in all manner of communication. Even if we do not type it, Satan has been recording us in every way he can and why? Do we really think that is for our safety or security? We all need to remember that evil has it’s role in this.

I pray for all to hear that voice crying in the wilderness, that is deep inside our hearts to be wise children. If we mess up, go straight to that throne and ask forgiveness and be accountable for it. We are not to ever be complacent and too comfortable and ignore our faults in this. We are never to sit as a queen thinking we are above another but as a bride of Christ. I pray we all stay in Christ in the New Jerusalem; that spiritual realm of peace and truth. “Let us be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves.”

Stay in love with your brothers and sisters, those who are in Christ and those that may not be in Him yet. To be in Christ is to love. Pray for your enemies that they be blessed and be healed. Pray for the wicked and the internet trolls. We are sent here to shine our light in places of darkness. I just thought I would share that thought with others because I see so many people falling for digital traps of the adversary. My hope and prayer in sharing this is just a reminder that shining a light in the darkness does not mean to point out faults but call into prayer. This is purely meant just to be a reminder for the body of Christ to be wise and be in love. I hope this will be found helpful and keep us at the tree of life as we are loving our fellow brothers and sisters with our very words.

Please speak life always. May all who see this find a blessing in it. Beware of the digital death trap. Stay in truth. Stay in the loving arms of the word of life made flesh. Jesus of Nazareth.

?Angel R.

He Is There~

?Blessed Assurance is knowing we are not alone on this journey of life…

Christ is with us all the time! When I was in the hospital a couple months ago with a critical situation, His Miracle showed up many times helping me cope with pain, three procedures, tests & seven blood transfusions. HE helped me be aware of certain food & medicine I was taking that were not good for me and is restoring my health and making my faith stronger daily! Praise Jesus!

Christ’s miracle in suffering was made so real when I was in pain & my endurance had reached the end– HE helped me through it! Praise Jesus for His healing me from the inside, out!

Restored ~ Ruth Anne

A Testimony…. Look what Jesus did!

Dear Flower,

Thank you Lord for the Holy Ghost.  The Most Precious Gift in all this world.  I would like to share with you how Brother Michael and COT has helped to restore the joy of my salvation.  2014 was I think one of the most trying times in my life.  It seems, that many doors in my life were slammed shut in my face.  I told the Lord, Lord I can’t do this [serve you] so find someone else.  I gave up, I started hitting the sauce again in October, November, December, which were very dark months for me.  I drank everyday by noon and sometimes by 9:00 AM driving everyday with an open container.

As a youth when I was 10-11 years old I got introduced to porn, it has been a very heavy chain I have been packing all my life.  I did have seasons of freedom but always returned to it.  My father passed when I was eight and my mother was schizophrenic, in and out of institutions.  After my father passed my grandfather came out to stay with us for a while then when he returned home shortly after he passed too.  A couple years later my uncle came and lived with us and six months later he was hit by a car and passed also.

When I was about 12 I started drinking, smoking pot and one of my friend’s older brothers would go down to 4th Street and 1st where hookers hung out so that seed was planted in my heart.  When I was 14-15 I would take my mom’s car out, go down and check them out.  One day I picked one up and laid with her, my first love was a hooker and needles too.  That whoremongering spirit entered me and different seasons of my life I would always end up back with them.  When I was 13 I got in trouble with the law and ended up in Juvenile Hall.  My mother didn’t show up for the hearing to be released so I was retained.  I was a confused kid and didn’t know what was going on and used to cry myself to sleep at night in that concrete cell, so after two weeks I went to Bible Study.  She was an older gal who was seasoned in the Lord, the Glory of the Lord was upon her and she had the sweetest anointed voice by the Holy Ghost.  After the meeting she asked if there was anyone who would like to receive Jesus in their heart and prayed with us.  I can still see her precious face and hear that sweet call she made to this day.  So I raised my hand and prayed, invited Jesus and cried out, help me.  I also received a Bible from her and took it back to my cell.  One night I opened it up to the Book of Psalms 27 and read verse 10.  When my father and my mother forsake me then the Lord will take me up.  Needless to say, a couple nights earlier He took me up and has never left me or forsaken me, even though many times I left and forsake Him.  He continued to dwell right in my heart even as David said, Oh Lord if I go down to hell Thou art with me.  Apart from His tender mercies and loving kindness hell would be my home.

I ended up in a foster home and stayed there about a year while I continued to run in the vanity of my brain until I was 18, then I committed my heart to the Lord and started going to church, Freewill Baptist Church, where I used to go down to the alter and say, Lord show me the truth.  I had a great love for His word and would spend many hours in it and at times would get up early in the morning to pray and meditate.  I loved the Gospel of John and Psalms, later on Romans.

A couple years later I ended up at my brother’s home and I will never forget the night of January 1, 1983.  I was taught in the Baptist Church that speaking in tongues was of the devil and that the Lord was no longer giving that gift.  About half way through the study my brother started sharing from the Word about the gift of the Holy Ghost and speaking in tongues, right away my flesh ruffled mind was telling me this guy is of the devil and I need to get out of there.  He kept opening scriptures, John, Acts, Romans, Corinthians, Isaiah and a few others pertaining to the Holy Ghost and tongues.  My Spirit was saying yes you need this gift, yet my fleshed ruled my mind telling me to go and get out of here.  I could see the Word Scripture, in my heart I knew it was truth, yet my brain was warring against it.  Finally, after two hours of laboring in the Word, my heart was rejoicing and out of my belly wanted to flow rivers of living water, my tongue started to move, my brain kept trying to stop it.  Just then my brother asked if I would like to receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost and speak with tongues.  He laid his hand on my head and prayed.  I lifted my hands and said Lord if this Gift is from You, fill me.  I began speaking in tongues, the Joy of the Lord flooded my heart.  The Glory of the Lord filled that front room, it was thick.  The Book of Acts 19;1-6 became a reality to me.  Oh Lord thank You for Your steadfast love and tender mercies.  Glory!  We were up all night fellowshipping in the Word. Wow, what a night, I will never forget it, one of the greatest nights of my life.  Thank You Lord!

Back in April-May my brother introduced me to Brother Michael.  The first time I heard him he was speaking of CERN or something in the natural and I thought, great another great brain that has it all figured out.  I listened again the next night and he began to speak of the things in the Spirit, he got my attention and I kept listening to feed my hungry heart.  I said Lord, this guy is right on, the words he spoke bore witness with my Spirit, so I kept listening, sometimes listening to the same message over and over.  At this time I had been free from the sauce since I was 14, but was still going back to the porn.  I kept listening and the Holy Ghost would speak through Brother Michael directly to my heart so powerfully, I would say thank You Lord for Brother Michael and began praying for him after a while more and more messages came out.  It was like fresh manna from Heaven every time I listened.  He had a fresh word speaking to me directly.  I said Lord, this guy is sincere and there are real brothers out there too.  Thank You for my brother and his obedience to Your call.  The Lord said He would restore the ancient ruins, Brother Michael is anointed of the Holy Ghost for this hour.  It is now September 20, 2015 and it has been 8 ½ months free from the sauce, 9 months free from the hookers and two weeks free from the porn.  Oh Lord strengthen my heart, keep me free from the filth, a drunkard and a whoremonger, set me free by the Grace of God.

Saved For Real

A Note from Angela ~

What Jesus has done for one, He will do for you too.  As long as there is breath within you…  It is never to late to reach out to Him.  It is by Grace we are saved, lest any many would boast.  All those who call upon Him, they most certainly shall be saved.  Thank You Jesus for coming to our rescue.?

LIFT ~ By: LayLay

…and in one moment, one hour, one day….she died.
I was in 5th grade, what did I know about life…let alone death. Over-hearing the commotion that
morning, my mom on the phone, sitting in a chair weeping, while she received the news. It was the
girl down the street, our neighbor, our friend, she had died.
I had hardly knew her, she was my older sister’s age, about 16 years old. All I knew is that she was
there yesterday, and now today she was gone. Just like that, she was gone. No warning, no more
time for words, no time for my sisters to say goodbye, and worse no time for her mom, dad or
younger brothers to say goodbye. There was no more time, she was…just gone.
Her younger brother was the same age as me, we were friends and classmates; just as my older
sister was with his older sister. I was just the girl who lived a few houses down, the girl in his class at
school, the girl he had a slight crush on. The girl who was dressed up fancy every Sunday morning
walking in front of his house to the local church just around the corner; afterwards coming home to
play football in the dirt with them. Now his older sister is gone, his family forever changed.
Weeks later he wanted to show me something and asked me to come to his house. I had been inside
his house before, they were a “typical” family, they never really went to church with us but we were all
basically the same. So now he wants me to come over so he can show me his sister. That is what he
said. I knew things were not ok, but what was there to say, or do? So when he asked me to come
over of course I said ok. I walked in the front door and right there in the large front room area there
was a large wood-framed open pyramid structure; from floor to ceiling. I just stood there, staring, as
he walked over to the wall and pulled down a tall vase that was sitting on a shelf. He opened it up and
said, see look, here she is, and I peered into it to see the chunks and ashes and he said, here she is,
my sister.
He then continued to tell me how his mom talks to her now. Pointing to the pyramid and to the “ouija
board” in the room and told me how it floats about 2-feet above the floor and moves around when his
mom talks to his sister. I just stood there speechless, what could I say, what was there to say? I am
just the girl who lives a few houses down, who goes to church every Sunday with her parents, and
likes to play football. I knew nothing of any of this, even though I went to church every Sunday, I
knew nothing about this stuff. He was reaching out to me, and I just stood there quiet, looking at
these things and I had nothing to say. I simply stood there, speechless, no voice, no witness to life,
death or any meaning in it at all. Just stood there and then eventually I just left, as if nothing had
really happened, just another day, another moment in time as it passed by.
We never spoke of that day again, he never brought it up again and neither did I. Time just continued
on, and so did we. What he shared with me never left me, just stayed in me as yet another thing to
wonder about, little seeds planted in me now of more questions and curiosities. Thinking back on all
of this I wonder how the church was so close to them in location… but at the same time so very far
away. Were these wonders he told me about, these things with that type of power and signs given to
his mom, where they truthful wonders or lying ones?
Truth, if it is truth; cannot have any part lie in it; otherwise by definition cannot be called truth.
“Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders”,
(2 Thessalonians 2:9)
After some time went by his mom and dad divorced. He told me she left and opened up a type
“rainbow crystal” store. The boys stayed in the house with their dad, and life, as we know it, goes on.
“Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.” (Matthew 7:17)
…and over many months and years…. wandering and wondering.
The next 20 years of my own life was spent wandering the world, wondering, and watching the church
from a distance. Seeing many things now, friends have come and gone, some survive and some die.
Most people in this world seek proof, tangible things, instant results, seen and felt, and these things I
had been told about sure seemed to give them that. There was no Faith required, and many see
Christians as weak and powerless, especially if compared to something that seems to give a person a
tangible quick response, even showing a type of power; offering to fill the desires of a heart.
If anyone lacks the knowledge of Christ, and does not see the Power of the Gospel at work, then why
would they even consider it? All my years growing up in the church they never discussed these
things; at least not that I can ever remember. Most think if you talk of occulted things, witchcraft and
its type of powers and signs then they think it only gives the darkness more power. I tend to disagree.
Darkness can also be ignorance.
From what I have witnessed it seems more to me the lack of knowledge and discussion of these
things is what has given them more and more room to grow and gain a type of power as the church
neglects to see it but instead simply turns their eyes from it. Covering something or hiding it does not
change anything or make it then not exist. Reminds me of that old saying, “hear no evil, see no evil”
but that does not make anything go away, and if something is not faced and truth is not shared or
discussed openly then how would anyone hear and overcome? How is anything defeated with the
brightness of HIS Word if it is not first faced and revealed?
…and in one moment, one hour, one day….he died.
30 years since that first experience with death, I again find myself in front of death face to face.
Another 16 year old, as he is laying on the ground bleeding to death in front of me. And all that came
out of me was… “Jesus, oh Jesus”. This time was certainly different, and I was different, and this time
would be heart-wrenching.
No matter how far away we may be from Jesus, HE is there with us. Long ago I had asked Jesus into
my heart, sitting in a Sunday school class. I can still remember the day, even though I was only about
4 years old. A lot has changed since then, and now I was so far from anything Christian and sure did
not really know Jesus, and sure would never have thought HE knew me. Not after all I had done in
life, not after all these years. But HE was there, in that moment HE is who I called out on, HE has
always been there. Little did I know this would be only the start of this walk, the most important of my
life, and one that would go really dark before the light, so dark it nearly killed me.
As this young 16 year old was struggling for his life it felt like time stopped or somehow stretched
itself out. He was now in a coma and I was desperately praying for a miracle. So I reached back into
my memories, secrets kept, and reached to a stone. Yes a stone. A stone my own mother gave me
years back, told me it had manifested “out of the air”, given to her from “angels” back when I was a
young child. That it was a gift for me and it was for healing. I had kept it for years, although it had
never done anything for me and I had just put it away inside a jewelry box all these years. But now I
was desperate, and I would do anything, so it was time to reach in and pull this out. So I did, and I
secretly placed the stone that was hidden in my hand now placing my hand in this young kid’s hand
this one day at the hospital, as he laid there in a coma, and I prayed to God for a miracle. A couple
hours later… that very day, …he died.
What gift did I have? What great power? NOTHING! …what voice did I have to say anything about it,
NOTHING! …It seems as if all I had ever seen was death, sorrow, grief, anger, bitterness, and losses.
So many losses over all these years now, and this one was too heart-wrenching, something in me
finally broke. The last pieces of whatever was left still standing in me finally broke.
But I was a single mother at the time, with 2 young children, I could not break, I didn’t have time to
break. Breaking was not an option. I had to go on, these children kept me going, and there was a
reason for it, even though the inside of me was growing so dark, so void, and so numb.
I took all of those feelings and focused them into finding answers. I had enough of the lies. I had
enough of death. But life sure seemed so purposeless but at the same time also so precious. Any
moment could be our last. I spent the next year diving head first into all those “wells” of knowledge I
had found all these years along the way in the world. This time I knew the directions, as I was already
familiar with the paths wandered on. And I knew where I had seen and heard of things that actually
showed a type of power and signs, tangible and quick. I directed my energy into the after-life,
metaphysics, and all things of the “craft” I could possibly find, research and seek out. Anything that
would finally give me proof, tangible results for what I considered a final quest for truth, …do or die.
…and in one moment, one hour, one day….darkness or light.
This all led me to the crossroads, would it be, would I be, …darkness or light? I did not choose it out
loud, it’s a heart thing. Nothing of me could have saved me from my own self, something else saved
me that day. Finding myself in a small office, laying back in a chair, seeking to merge with what the
lady called my “guardian angel”, as a large dark shadow figure hovered over me, for only an instant, a
moment, and as fast as it was there it was gone. The lady was upset about it, why I did not merge
with it, and again I had no words, no answers. I did not really know why, and again I left there with still
no answers, only more questions. But this time I knew, something deep in me just knew how bad that
almost was, and something other than me saved me from it, that darkness had to flee…why?
Mystics, fortunetellers and witchcraft hav
…and in one moment, one hour, one day….LIFTED.
The Lord Jesus Christ kept me from myself that day, in fact all my days, HE knew my heart, the
sincerity of why I ended up in that place, in that chair, under that roof, inside their authority or domain,
and HE still covered me in there, despite of me, …why?
I did not deserve any saving. I had chosen that place, that path, why did HE spare me and show me
mercy that day? Covering me even inside their domain it had to flee…Why? Just as we often ask,
why do things happen to some and not others? Why do some people die and not others? Why do
some hear HIM and are saved by Jesus and others are not?
The Tree of knowledge of good and evil… is good truth? Is evil a truth?
Seems both cannot qualify for Truth, only substance of the knowledge of either one. Paths, branches
of learning. Purposed to grow us in life, wrestle against us, to push us to see, pull us into a witness,
even to fall and be raised back up. To be unclean to be washed clean. To never return to where we
were, to never have a desire to go back, but instead to have fullness of truth in all clarity. Now that
tree, the tree of LIFE, and life eternal, is not the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The Tree of Life
is set apart, it is all Truth, with no part lie, it is unique and perfect and cannot be replicated or stolen
by man’s symbols or traditions, as this Tree and Kingdom is unseen and is The Lord’s to reveal and
But as I said, this only started my walk of darkness before the light, as things went really dark before I
could really see the Light, HIS Light, the real one. All along I had considered myself walking my life
out more “spiritually” all these years, …but by what spirit …and how many?
“Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power
of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:”(Ephesians 2:2)“And he asked him,
What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.”(Mark 5:9)
Seems there is much going on here as I had finally perceived some of it. Seems there are Legions of
devils, and legions of angels…who can really know the difference?
“For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no
marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers
also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.”
(2 Corinthians 11:13-15)
The more your eyes open the more the blindness is lifted and a person starts to really appreciate the
Gospel of Jesus Christ. Why it’s simple but so powerful to understand there is only ONE HOLY Spirit,
the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, who stands above all creation.
“Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than
twelve legions of angels?” (Matthew 26:53)
There are many influences of all kinds all around us, every day; filling us with ideas, thoughts,
temptations, inspirations; pushing or pulling us based on the desires of our own heart. There are
many paths to walk in, broad and wide are the paths of knowledge here as well as the path to
destruction, and so many different “truths” seem to be in this world, with so many different lands to
tread upon and “wells” to drink from.
Throughout our life we may walk and seek after signs, power and wonder about so many things. It
seems all my life I wanted to drink from them all and walk on all of it, always looking for something,
seeking to gain more and more. Seems I only ended up with a legion of mindsets and a head full of
knowledge, but very little truth, if any.
Have we walked in any truth or found any? Or are we full of something else? How could we know?
“Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of
whom he had cast seven devils.” (Mark 16:9) “And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even
the devils are subject unto us through thy name.” (Luke 10:17)
Again, mystics and witchcraft have been around for thousands of years claiming answers to the
future, providing a type of temporary power or relief, a temporary substance or proof, something
tangible. But what if it’s full of lies, full of devils? Gaining so many things that cannot last eternally only
leaves one with more questions in the end, more fear; eventually empty and void of any authority or
substance but instead full of lies, full of devils.
“And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.” (2 Corinthians 11:14) “And
deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the
sight of the beast; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast,
which had the wound by a sword, and did live.”(Revelation 13:14)
There are many spirits at work all around us, like a thick fog of confusion and deception. There is only
ONE Holy Spirit that holds all Truth, with no part lie, and no path to destruction, but a path placed out
before us now, a bridge repaired, a connection restored to God through Christ Jesus so we may now
seek and find Truth, Wisdom, Power and Life, eternal.
There is only ONE Truth, and only one Way to Truth, for truth to be Truth it can only be ONE.
There is only ONE Spirit above all Spirits.
There is only ONE that came and showed all the world that HE Loves us as HE came and died on the
Cross for us to receive LIFE.
HE took the curse upon HIMSELF so we could be free from it.
There is only ONE who took all the sins and curses upon HIMSELF to save us all from all of this.
“And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:”
(John 3:14)
No more fear, no more fear of death, no more fear of not knowing, no more fear of no closure, no
more fear of needing more time, as eternity stands outside of time, in a prepared place where all
questions are answered, all closure and wholeness is given. All things eternal and all things have
fullness, where there is no death, no darkness, no sorrow, because all truth and all life eternal leaves
no more questions.
“But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth:
for the Father seeketh such to worship him. “(John 4:23) “Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he
will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he
speak: and he will shew you things to come.” (John 16:13) “And I will put my spirit within you, and cause
you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them. “(Ezekiel 36:27) “That the
righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” (Romans
8:4) “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16) “If we
live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:25)
Sometimes the answers we seek have been there all along; hidden in the things already revealed as
we witnessed and experienced them. Even as young children we seem to hold inside us all the
answers, as inside all of us is a measure of Truth. Why did things happen to us? This prepared place,
the path to walk out, inside good and evil. Why do we suffer it? What is the point?
How can a person overcome what they do not know? How can a person hear if no voice is sent?
…and in one moment, one hour, one day….Life came.
Whatever grief, sorrow, pain, and afflictions we may endure, especially as a young child, are the very
places now sealed and overcome. Each part in full as we walk it out as a witness of being afflicted
from the curse of sin upon us, as we now die to it by laying it down in Christ and rise a New in
Each part so very important, the specific callings are already there, all this time, and nothing can hurt
anything sealed. Once sealed no man can open it and nothing in this creation can over-power it; as
all authority is now justified, sealed and covered in Christ. We strive daily to overcome all parts, for all
chains to be broken, and all curses unsealed now lifted as the fullness to break forth, as we are filled
in Christ, measure by measure, Faith to Faith, Glory to Glory we overcome now being sealed in HIS
Glory. Faith is the substance of the unseen, as we seek Faith the measure rises and lifts.
Walking now in the Spirit and Truth, in the Faith, now one may look again, and now again while its
day as we die to each part revealed to us daily, we gain more and more Faith, more substance within
and more room to stand. This filling now leaves no room for resentment, blame or bitterness towards
anyone in this life. No more holding anything against anyone here, not even against good or evil, as
the purpose is revealed more and more daily. No more resentment for the church or ignorance,
because I can now understand why things were set up to happen; even as a young child; the overall
purpose or plan of the prepared place to walk forward into. All that happens in our life, all from a
young child to this very moment is necessary and purposed, good or evil. What we have witnessed is
purposed. What we have witnessed and continue to walk out is necessary to overcome, and through
Christ all things are Finished.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
as that is what it is…lifted
these curses lifted
these fears lifted
and in turn when we fully get it, …we are lifted
“Come, and let us return unto the Lord: for he hath torn, and he will heal us; he hath smitten, and he will
bind us up. After two days will he revive us: in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight.
Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he
shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.” Hosea 6:1-3

Contributed By:  Melody “LayLay”