Narcissist/Jezebel & Co-dependent/Ahab Study – Part 2


We are continuing on our journey in Part 2 of the Narcissist –Codependent Bible Study, picking up where we left off, in which we studied 1 & 2 Kings, learning more about Jezebel & Ahab’s entrance, purpose and fate.  Most importantly, we gained clarity why this is important for us today…  Speaking of the Church of Thyatira, who is given but a space and time to repent for being seduced, tolerating and fornicating with Jezebel.  The Word says if they refuse to repent they will receive an additional burden, being cast into the Great Tribulation.  In addition, it is written, these are those who know the depths of satan.  On the flipside, for those of us who overcome and keep doing the works of Jesus until the end, we shall receive power over the nations as Jesus, the Morning Star is granted unto us.  [This is the fullness of Jesus operating in and through us here on the Earth].  In Part 1, we went over the context of these verses found in Revelation 2:18-29, if you missed that portion of the Study I encourage you to go back and review it for the purpose of setting a Biblical foundation.

Shall we get started? 

Today we will are going to touch a little more on the evidence of influence of Jezebel and Ahab intermingled with real life relationships.  Remember I said this Study will take a more life application turn and my goal is to make that turn today.  The truth is we all suffer at the hands of this destructive force in one way or another.  For some of us we have demands placed upon us which are tormenting and unattainable no matter how much we love and lay our lives down for another.  Narcissists continually raise the bar for they are broken vessels too.  As we break free from depending on another to complete us we will bind ever so close to Jesus, the One and Only created King, Who truly can complete us in fullness.  This alone is the sole purpose of this Study, although as we journey there will be much fruit produced in the breaking… It is all about Jesus and being one with Him as He and not another is placed upon the thrones of our hearts.

In our sin nature, the old creature has elements of characteristics of narcissism or rather love of self – vanity and setting oneself up as god…  It was foretold of this long ago by a term called VANITY.  Ecclesiastes, which we have studied recently, tells us ALL IS VANITY.  Vanity battles with Jesus getting the Glory He and only He deserves.  The enemy has tricked us, who are codependent, into believing a fable and here it is… “So and so, just cannot make it without us.”

We have much to repent for and I encourage you as the Holy Spirit reveals your hand in this dysfunction of impure love, just take it to the Lord with a humble heart, which is imperative to the breaking free process.

Are you feeling DESPERATE FOR LOVE FROM ANOTHER?  That is a number one red flag codependency is operating in your life.  This could be a parent, child, significant other, sibling or friend…  Thirsting after anyone, other than Jesus as a life source is a big no no.  Don’t lose hope but rather rejoice because truly it is exciting right now!  The Lord always reveals a truth about us before He releases us from it in order He get the Glory for deliverance and our testimony can encourage another…  We pay it forward this way!  We lay our lives down as a display for just what Jesus can do, even with a hot mess like me and you!  He turns our ashes into beauty and we go from hot mess to beautiful mess, continually in need of a Savior.  As we are honest about ourselves regarding our own shortcomings we will walk as we fully receive, we shall fully give… That is to give HIM and not our self – mixed in with Him when we pour out to others.  It shall be His way, void of self – charity which is pure unconditional love.

In this World there are GIVERS and TAKERS and in JESUS we become a balance of both, healthy and usable for His purpose abiding continually in Him.    I want to remind you there are those who GIVE IN ORDER TO GET.  From the outside they appear to have pure love however, their deeds point back to self and not to Jesus.  They have a giving nature but there are always strings attached such as…  Attention, appreciation with pats on the back, trying to win you over or expecting you to behave in a certain way in exchange for their deeds.  These are those who do not do their deeds in secret in order for the Father to reward them openly.  They want to be seen by others or are manipulating you to give a piece of yourself to act, think or come into agreement with them.  When faced with this situation… Just stay true to yourself and keep your eyes on Jesus because we are not to please man but only our Father in Heaven.

I will say during my research I found most professionals sadly offer no promise of hope for the people with Narcissism and they speak of such trying times for a codependent in recovery, however, I know our Lord and He can do anything so this is not our truth but rather the World’s truth, one we will not accept.  We must keep in mind Narcissism is our sin nature and you will see Codependency is sinful as well.  Anything that separates us from our Lord in any fashion is sinful.  Both tendencies are not our identity in Jesus.  Keeping that in mind, just because we may display a tendency to be one or the other or even a mix of both, it is a whole other ball game to be fully turned over to one or the other.  Granted we are not perfect, but we are being perfected!

Intimate relationships with stubborn, willful people can bring unhappiness to all concerned. Their self-will which has never been surrendered to God will seldom give in to those around them as they are void of compromise, often only considering themselves, lacking compassion for another unless of course they are affected in some way, in which at that point they will turn on the charm – still only giving to get. With unyielding obstinacy they keep demanding their own way and looking for every possible means and method of doing or having what they want. They will not listen to reason; they will not consider the feelings of others; they will not face the potential consequences of their intended actions. They believe that they are right and others are wrong, and they are determined to have everything their way. They obviously know very little of God’s love which “does not seek its own” (1 Cor. 13:5), but have only self-love which insists on its own rights and demands its own way. Those who live with or are connected to people like this eventually find themselves emotionally drained at the end of a tireless road from trying to please the “Unpleasable.” Does this sound familiar?  There is only one answer to the question in dealing with these people and that is through the grace of our Lord.  Remember, everything is purposeful and profitable for the perfecting of the Saints so we must war against wallowing in the mud of claiming victimization.  It is likely if we are in this situation we opened a door to the dysfunction due to some residue of past hurts with a desire to be wanted or needed and that is okay because what God brings you to, He will bring you through.  We often are seeking a quick work while He seeks us to demonstrate to us His will inside a process, in order we attain tools to assist another.

Moving on…

Of course, Ahab was just as self-willed as Jezebel, but with a different temperament. For one thing, he had willfully entered a marriage that was politically convenient, but contrary to every word from God. Sound familiar?  Weak, indecisive people who waiver like Ahab often want their own way just as much as headstrong, domineering people like Jezebel, but they react differently when they do not get it.  Remember the Lord said a double minded man is unstable in all his ways?  I guess you could say they both are very childish in nature. We have discussed this before and how there is a difference in being “Childlike” versus “Childish.”  Scripture tells us to be childlike and put away childish ways.

During conflict, the forceful ones rant and rave, strike out at those who stand in their way, throw fits and destroy things, the weak ones sulk and pout and fret like spoiled children. They may refuse to get out of bed and even refuse to eat. They just want to feel sorry for themselves and let everybody know how bad things are for them, they also display many physical ailments. All we really succeed in doing is letting people know how self-centered and immature we are when we react of our own will, rather than the respond via the Holy Spirit.

Self-will of either variety, the violent kind or the touchy irritable kind, can ruin a relationships.  Both are wrong because they say – “I am right and you are wrong.” The trouble often starts when someone infringes upon our rights and we feel dishonored.  It usually starts with a breakdown in communication and sadly continues on until there is a breakdown in the demonstration of love. Instead of letting the love and graciousness of Jesus Christ control us, our sinful natures take over and we go into our rage routine or sulk syndrome, whichever it is with us and it slowly but surely eats away at our relationship. And that inflexible self-will which has never been broken and yielded to God, may ultimately lead to much greater problems if not put into submission. It is at that point we will search to fulfill that need either by Jesus, Who is truly the only One Who can complete us, or get the need met elsewhere, which opens doors that are often more difficult to close later.

Awhile ago I spoke about the three phases of Adultery for this reason.  They were, Emotional, Physical and Spiritual.  Now we can see how it is all interlocked and woven together to bring us down.  If we step one foot out of the Father’s will, we invite the enemy in and he often will sift us as wheat by our own submission to him.

God wants to break our sinful, stubborn wills. He wants to conquer them with His love. The first step to victory is simply to admit that continually demanding our own way is disobedience to God’s Word, and therefore sin. Talk to the Lord about your struggles, openly and honestly. Tell Him frankly that you would rather have your own way than be unselfish and considerate of others, but acknowledge that it is contrary to His Word. Ask him to help you. Then by an act of your will, determine to do the loving thing. That step of faith will open the channel of God’s power to demonstrate in your life. He will not only enable you to carry through with your decision to act in love, but He will give you genuine delight in doing His will.  What He has poured into us, we will pour out to others as a display of Him and not self.

Let’s revisit Ahab and his vegetable garden for a moment. Jezebel found Ahab sulking in his bed and said to him, “How is it that your spirit is so sullen that you are not eating food?” (1 Kgs. 21:5). So he explained to her how Naboth refused to let him have his vegetable garden. She replied, “Do you now reign over Israel?” (1 Kgs. 21:7). In modern terms, that might sound more like, “What are you, a man or a mouse? Speak up! Don’t you know that you are the King. You can take anything you want.” With her demonic influence, Jezebel could not seem to understand that even the King in Israel was subject to the laws of God.

We discover how thoroughly this weak and wicked man was dominated by his overbearing wife when she said, “Arise, eat bread, and let your heart be joyful; I will give you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite” (1 Kgs. 21:7). She planned to commit a hideous crime; she was going to pay two false witnesses to testify that they heard Naboth blaspheme God and the King, so that both he and his sons would be stoned to death and the King would be free to lay claim to his land (2 Kgs. 9:26). She was going to teach Ahab her philosophy of life: “Take what you want and destroy anyone who stands in your way.” And Ahab did not have the courage to stand up to her.

A man will do strange things when he is taunted and ridiculed by his wife and a wife needs to know she is safe from all harm, emotional and physical, if she is to give her heart over completely to a man.  In both cases trust is of the upmost of importance.  Men crave respect and women crave attentive compassion. Some men need to be encouraged and reminded to be sure, but not to do evil! A godly woman will challenge her partner to listen to God and live for Him, not encourage him to sin and definitely not to submit to her will, but the Lord’s alone.  Men often fail because they are not loving their partners in a way they desire to be loved in gentleness, but rather how they are convinced the woman needs love.  Lol…  Sa la vie…  Isn’t this the Genesis of it all anyway? ?

I do not want to fixate on just male/female here in this series because it expands much farther than one simple relationship which is in trouble.  As we glean understanding on what it means to be co-dependent and the why’s of it and where it came from, we will see it is vast and wide and not your fault traditionally.

What is Codependency?  On a broad sense it is when we become dependent on anything or anyone else, including self to have fulfillment in this Earth.  Codependency is laced with idolatry and vice versa.  That may go against your flesh and seem harsh but hear me out on this.  When we are operating out of a place of this stronghold, we often will crave to be needed and search out the Earth to find just that one who can validate us that we are worthy to be something of importance to just someone, which is an insatiable flesh desire.  Sadly, it is commonly all done under the guise of love and the Gospel, but it is unhealthy…  I call it the doormat syndrome. 

Jesus was not a doormat by any stretch of the imagination, so it is faulty thinking on our parts when we lay our lives down for another to gratify a need within us.  Jesus laid His life down for us to conquer death, not to meet some need He had lack of to be filled.  Remember when Jesus told Pilot – “You have no authority over Me other than that which is granted to you by My Father in Heaven”?  Jesus had authority to lay His life down and pick it back up again.  We on the other hand, may lay our lives down only to be trampled on over and over, defeated rather than defeating and conquering death in the footsteps of our Savior.  Jesus said HIS BURDEN IS EASY AND HIS YOKE IS LIGHT… Unfortunately, our burdens are heavy in which we cannot be the light.  But all of that is about to change – Praise the Lord!

My prayer is that we begin to see ourselves in the true identity we have in Jesus.  We are more than all the evil words spoken over us time and again.  The Lord is calling us to be sober minded, no longer a slave to the sins of the flesh and a huge part of this breaking free is letting go of all that has been spoken over us, which does not align with the Word of God Himself.  Co-dependency is synonymous with a sense of “Unworthiness.” We are told to pray to be worthy to stand before the Lord one day and as long as we believe we are unworthy, we cannot fully receive all He did on the cross for us.  I thank Him so intently for changing our mindset in truth.

Before we do a rundown of a list of characteristics of a co-dependent nature it is important you understand this is not your fault.  The majority of us with these tendencies were groomed from a very young age to be this way to the point it has become our norm.  The Lord is setting before us an open door no man can shut to freedom and in walking through it, the real you will be revealed to you, just as you were created in His image you will see Him in yourself, letting go of all graven images not profitable for the Kingdom.  Like I said, this is not your fault.  As we let Him do His perfect work in removing the idols from our hearts, it is both painful and beautiful at the same time.  His desire is to indwell us whole-heartedly, replacing that which we view as losses become our gain in Him.  He removes our heart of stone, replacing it with a heart of flesh, His heart begins pulsating through us in which we truly are sanctified and set apart.

I want to remind us that Codependency fuels Narcissism and vice versa.  They are a very unholy alliance so to speak.

Let’s talk a little more about Codependency...

Sometimes the Lord has to shake us awake, which is exactly what He did to me, prompting me to even begin exploring and now sharing my testimony of breaking free.  I am in a process and you too are being invited into a process, should you accept His offering.  A precious Sister in the Lord told me one day, “To stop internalizing man’s faulty impression of me.”  So now in turn I am saying the same to you.  The truth is only the Lord Himself knows the intentions of our hearts.  This is reserved for Him and Him alone.  It is true we may “Perceive,” another’s heart, but to truly know the intentions is not given over to man just yet, lest we judge before the time.  It would appear some hearts are hell bent on sin and others are purposed to not sin, knowing we all fall short and do sin – it is the intention the Father considers as He tries the reins of our hearts.

Whatever happened to me?  Have you all asked yourself that question?  I often think I am surely not as this person or that person describes me as… So, they have a faulty impression of me, they are viewing me through a veil of flesh – their own and therefore, they label me something I am not, same goes for you.  What is of the upmost importance here is that we begin to view ourselves not through the eyes of others, but rather through the eyes of Jesus.  Seeking Him and only Him for validation.  It is in this acceptance we turn a major corner to life everlasting.

We often wake up to find ourselves locked into a relationship which started out free loving and in turn was a facade all along.  We entered into this relationship for the sake of love, only to find we were the ones weighed in the balance found wanting.  At some point, we realize the situation needs to change and yet the other person sees we are the only one who needs to change and they are fine.  In this case there is a strong feeling of love pulling us to the person and because rejection is so familiar to us, we cling to that which is unhealthy out of fear.  When we have from a young age been trained to CARE FOR other’s needs rather than BE NURTURED AND CARED FOR, a part from that space in our hearts are void of love itself.  We basically become loved starved and a bad love becomes better than no love at all.  I have good news – Jesus came to set the captives (us) free!  He is calling us to overcome the love demands locking us in, so we can walk fully in Him in freedom.

I have compiled a list in which you may see yourself or a loved one in, through all or just a few of these points.  This is not a totality, but rather a guide to check our hearts against, seek the Lord and pray over for revelation of truth within us.  He is calling us to not only be gentle as a dove, but blossom into wisdom too.  I for one have been way to trusting and foolish in my childish ways, it is time to put those childish tendencies to rest.

Are you Codependent?

  • Caretaking: Codependents may:
    • think and feel responsible for other people for other people’s feelings, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, and ultimate destiny.
    • feel anxiety, pity, and guilt when other people have a problem.
    • feel compelled almost forced to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice, giving a rapid-fire series of suggestions, or fixing feelings.
    • feel angry when their help isn’t effective while continually anticipating other people’s needs.
    • wonder why others don’t do the same for them – the gap of reciprocating
    • find themselves saying yes when they mean no, doing things they don’t really want to be doing, doing more than their fair share of the work, and doing things other people are capable of doing for themselves.
    • tell themselves what they want and need is not important.
    • try to please others
    • find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others, rather than injustices done to themselves.
    • feel satisfied when giving – need to be needed
    • feel insecure and guilty when somebody gives to them – based in competition.
    • find themselves drawn to needy people and needy people are drawn to them (Spiritual)
    • feel bored, empty, and worthless if they don’t have a crisis in their lives, a problem to solve, or someone to help.
    • abandon their routine to respond to or do something for somebody else – reacting not responding via the Holy Spirit
    • overcommit themselves often feeling chaotic in a hurry and pressured.
    • believe deep inside other people are somehow responsible for them.
    • blame others for the situation they are in or they way they feel
    • believe other people are making them crazy, angry, unappreciated and used
  • Low Self-Worth: Codependents tend to:
    • come from troubled, repressed, or dysfunctional families.
    • deny their family was troubled, repressed, or dysfunctional.
    • blame themselves for everything and have negative thoughts such as what they feel, think, look like or act like is wrong
    • get angry, defensive, self-righteous, and indignant when others blame and criticize them
    • get depressed from a lack of compliments (stroke deprivation) or reject compliments all together
    • feel different than the rest of the world, isolated – surrounding self by those who are safe and agreeable, avoiding confrontation at all costs
    • feel guilty about spending money on themselves or doing unnecessary or fun things for themselves.
    • feel rejection or that they are never good enough, take things personally, victim mentality
    • have been victims of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment, or alcoholism – often grew up as a child caring for a parent or siblings
    • tell themselves they can’t do anything right, overly cautious to not allow self to make a mistake
    • wonder why they have a tough time making decisions – constantly look to others for advice
    • expect themselves and others to do everything perfectly.
    • wonder why they can’t get anything done to their satisfaction, often think I should have done this or that, carry much guilt and are ashamed of who they are feeling if anyone knew the real them they would be rejected
    • try to help other people live their lives instead of facing the fear of themselves
    • artificial feelings of self-worth from helping others – taking on the burdens of others as their own
    • wish good things would happen to them and yet believe only good things happen to other people not them
    • wish other people would like and love them while believing other people could never possibly love or like them so they try to prove they are worthy of another’s love – because of this they settle for being needed in place of being loved.
    • believe other people couldn’t possibly like and love them.
  • Repression: Many Codependents:
    • push their thoughts and feelings out of their awareness because of fear and guilt.
    • become afraid to let themselves be who they are.
    • appear rigid and controlled.
  • Obsession: Codependents tend to:
    • feel terribly anxious about problems and people being highly focused on Worldly events often seeking to be the first to know what is going on to validate self-importance
    • worry about the silliest things – obsessive to the point of controlling every detail
    • think and talk a lot about other people to the point of losing sleep
    • never find answers but always seeking knowledge
    • try to catch people in acts of misbehavior or continually checking on someone
    • feel unable to quit talking, thinking, and worrying about other people or problems to where all their energy is focused on problems
    • abandon their routine because they are so upset about somebody or something and often cannot get everything done on their list
  • Controlling: Many Codependents:
    • have lived through events and with people that were out of control, causing the codependents sorrow and disappointment and often anger inside
    • become afraid to let other people be who they are and allow events to happen naturally.
    • Refuse to see or deal with their fear of loss of control.
    • think they know best how things should turn out and how people should behave.
    • try to control events and people through helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice-giving, manipulation, or domination and eventually fail in their efforts or provoke people’s anger, rubbing others the wrong way because you know best
  • Denial: Codependents tend to:
    • ignore problems or pretend they aren’t happening or minimize problems to cope
    • tell themselves things will be better tomorrow in order to not face the issue at hand, always kicking issues down the road to deal with
    • stay busy so they don’t have to think about things.
    • get confused in the chaos they create are depressed and frequently sick
    • go to doctors and get tranquilizers or use alcohol or drugs to medicate away life to relax
    • became workaholics to perform
    • spend money compulsively.
    • overeat.
    • pretend those things aren’t happening, either.
    • Compulsive to watch problems get worse.
    • believe lies.
    • lie to themselves.
    • wonder why they feel like they’re going crazy.
  • Dependency: Many Codependents:
    • don’t feel happy, content, or peaceful with themselves.
    • look for happiness outside themselves to fulfill the void within
    • latch onto whoever or whatever they think can provide happiness, seeking pleasure from others
    • feel terribly threatened by the loss of anything or person they think provides their happiness.
    • didn’t feel love and approval from their parents.
    • believe other people can’t or don’t love them.
    • desperately seek love and approval, often from those who are incapable of loving them
    • believe other people are never there for them, equating love with pain
    • feel they need people more than they want them.
    • try to prove they’re good enough to be loved.
    • don’t take time to see if other people are good for them.
    • worry whether other people love or like them.
    • don’t take time to figure out if they love or like other people so get entangled in negative relationships
    • center their lives around other people and worry they will be abandoned by them
    • look to relationships to provide all their good feelings.
    • lose interest in their own lives when they love someone ignoring others
    • don’t believe they can take care of themselves while caring for other people continually
    • stay in relationships that don’t work or are bad for them, tolerating abuse or unfaithfulness because they are unworthy to receive healthy forms of love
    • feel trapped in relationships unable to break free and once they leave they seek another relationship right away that is often the same bad pattern
    • wonder if they will ever find love or be loved
    • Idolize others and have certain people they will never say NO to, lack of boundries
  • Poor Communication: Codependents frequently:
    • Blame, threaten, coerce, beg, bribe or advise others
    • don’t say what they mean and don’t mean what they say, lack of follow through
    • don’t take themselves seriously or feel others take them seriously or they go the complete opposite and take themselves too seriously having a lack of joy
    • ask for what they want and need indirectly–sighing, for example
    • find it difficult to get to the point and not sure what the point is
    • gauge their words carefully to achieve a desired effect.
    • try to say what they think will please people or provoke others
    • try to say what they hope will make people do what they want them to do.
    • eliminate the word “no” from their vocabulary
    • talk too much, don’t let others get a word in and monopolize the conversation
    • talk about other people.
    • avoid talking about themselves, their problems, feelings, and thoughts.
    • say everything is their fault or that nothing is their fault
    • wait to express their opinions until they know other people’s opinions because they believe their opinion does not matter
    • lie to protect and cover up for people they love.
    • lie to protect themselves.
    • have a difficult time expressing their emotions honestly, openly, and appropriately or refuse to assert themselves
    • think most of what they have to say is unimportant and frequently apologize for bothering someone
    • begin to talk in cynical, self-degrading, or hostile ways.
  • Weak Boundaries: Codependents frequently:
    • say they won’t tolerate certain behaviors from other people but yet they do
    • gradually increase their tolerance until they can tolerate and do things they said they never would.
    • let others hurt them and keep letting themselves being hurt by the same person the same way and wonder why they hurt so badly.
    • complain, blame, and try to control while they continue to stand there.
    • finally get angry and over react
    • become totally intolerant.
  • Lack Of Trust: Codependents:
    • don’t trust themselves, their feelings, decisions, other people while at the same time they trust people they shouldn’t
    • think God has abandoned them and often lose faith and trust in God – blaming Him for their own doing and open doors they shouldn’t
  • Anger: Many Codependents:
    • feel very scared, hurt, and angry and surround themselves by people who are the same
    • are afraid of their own anger or afraid of other’s anger and blame others when they are angry
    • think people will go away if anger enters the picture and are afraid they cause anger in others or punish people when they get angry with them
    • feel controlled by other people’s anger while they repress their own anger
    • cry a lot, get depressed, overeat, get sick, do mean and nasty things to get even, act hostile, or have violent temper outbursts wondering if they will ever be free of anger
    • have been shamed for feeling angry and place guilt on themselves for getting angry
    • feel increasing amounts of anger, resentment, and bitterness.
    • feel safer with their anger than with hurt feelings.
  • Sex Problems: Some Codependents:
    • are caretakers in the bedroom or refuse it altogether because of anger
    • have sex when they don’t want to but prefer to be held, nurtured and loved since it is void outside the bedroom
    • try to have sex when they’re angry or hurt to fulfill a void
    • are afraid of losing control so do not enjoy sex
    • have a difficult time asking for what they need in bed.
    • withdraw emotionally from their partner or feel repulsed by sex
    • force themselves to have sex, anyway out of obligation to meet another’s needs
    • reduce sex to a technical act minimizing that which God created to be pure
    • wonder why they don’t enjoy sex or have lost interest altogether
    • make up reasons to abstain rather than taking ownership and setting a boundary
    • wish their sex partner would die, go away, or sense the codependent’s feelings.
    • have strong sexual fantasies about other people, have an emotional or physical affair
    • seek porn as an outlet to avoid intimacy
  • Miscellaneous: Codependents tend to:
    • be extremely responsible or irresponsible lacking balance
    • become martyrs, sacrificing their happiness and that of others for causes that don’t require sacrifice.
    • find it difficult to feel close to people to have fun or be spontaneous
    • have an overall passive response to codependency–crying, hurt, helplessness.
    • have and overall aggressive response to codependency–violence, anger, dominance.
    • combine passive and aggressive responses going to and fro
    • Indecisive or emotionless
    • laugh when they feel like crying.
    • stay loyal to their compulsions and people even when it hurts.
    • be ashamed about family, personal, or relationship problems.
    • be confused about the nature of the problem so keep it hidden
    • cover up, lie, and protect the problem.
    • not seek help because they tell themselves the problem isn’t bad enough, or they aren’t important enough.
    • wish the problem would go away on it’s own
  • Progressive: In the later stages of Codependency, Codependents may:
    • feel lethargic, withdrawn or depressed
    • experience a complete loss of daily routine and structure.
    • abuse or neglect their children and other responsibilities.
    • feel hopeless.
    • begin to plan their escape from a relationship they feel trapped in.
    • think about suicide.
    • become violent.
    • become seriously emotionally, mentally, or physically ill.
    • experience an eating disorder (over- or under eating).
    • become addicted to alcohol and other drugs.

My goodness that is a long list.  I am so thankful for Jesus right now…  Aren’t you?  I thank Him for holding up a mirror to our brokenness so we can be truly set free.  Whether you saw yourself in just one of the characteristics I described or in every single one of them, He is offering us to drink of Him, where life everlasting is found.  In doing so, just like the woman at the well who had a divine appointment that day, we have one set before us this day.  Chances are most of us at one time or another has looked for love in all the wrong places.  Yesterday is gone and today is the Day of Salvation.  Before we pray, lets understand these characteristics do not define us and who we are, unless we embrace them rather than Jesus.  Once we ask Him to really come into us and dwell in our hearts He will.  We must repent for our willful sins and childish ways.  We are all products of our environments up until a point when He says, “It is finished.”  Today lets be finished of all these past hurts and pain, leaving it all at the cross, so we truly go and sin no more.?


Let’s pray?

Heavenly Father we thank You for delivering us from all evil.  We pray Your Kingdom come and Your will be done in our lives from this day forward.  We confess with our hearts for that which we do to sin against You and how we have given ourselves to others in ways that are not in one accord with Your will in our lives.  Forgive us Lord for guarding our sin, denying it or protecting that which is not aligned with Your word for the sake of looking as one who can save another or even to the point of saving ourselves.  We lay it all down before You Lord never to pick this faulty expression of love up again.  We thank You for the indwelling of Your precious Son and Holy Spirit Who finished all at the Cross in order for us to walk freely as Your children of Light.  Help us Lord to point only to Him and thank You for showing us mercy when we try to save another in His place.  Lord we submit to that which You have planned for us and ask You to close doors which are not of You, to open doors for ministry that are assigned by You and to give us wisdom to know the difference.  Infuse our relationships Lord God with Your love and divine order so pure love exists in ways unimaginable.  We are sorry Father for times we have manipulated, gotten angry or frustrated with the ones you set on our path to set healthy boundaries with for the sake of pure love.  We have so tainted what love actually is we need Your eyes to see the truth in each relationship we have so we are manifesting Your light and not self.  We are trusting You to give us strength to endure all things in Jesus for the Glory of His Name.  Help us to make our yes mean yes and our no mean no.  We are all broken vessels Lord, but if it be Your will mend us and make us whole so we can serve You to the fullest.  We break every soul tie in Jesus Name that is outside of Your courts and bind that unholy alliance only to loose it in Heaven.  And for that which is Holy in Your sight Lord we bind in Heaven and loose it here on Earth in our own lives.  Thank You Lord for creating within us a pure heart.  We humbly ask all this in the Name of Jesus. Amen and Amen.  Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.

So that is all for now on the discussion of Codependency, however, later in the series we will revisit this topic as we go deeper still into the fueling exchange done by Codependents and Narcissists so we can explore setting boundaries with others, which is the Genesis of a healthy relationship .  In Part 3 of this series, we meet we will begin to uncover narcissism and the characteristics that they carry, stirring up much pain and regret, because they themselves suffer much pain and regret.

 God Bless you in His Love,

?Angela ~ Marked By Heaven

4 replies
  1. Freed Today
    Freed Today says:

    You are a Godsend.Just tonight I have been given freedom from codependency and given a clear visual of all my idolizing ways. Recently I’ve been codependent with a Narcissist and even after all my research and confirmation, I still kept going back. Grateful to God for releasing me and closing all doors to returning to unhealthy and toxic love..

    • Angela
      Angela says:

      Bless your precious heart! Just keep fixated on JESUS at all times – He will never leave your side as He comforts your heart and directs your path continually!


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