In our last portion of our study we talked pretty in depth about the “How’s” of witchcraft through which narcissists accomplish their desired outcome of insuring everyone and everything revolves around them. We went over the red flags, which serve as warning signs of discernment, depicting just how prevalent this Jezebel Spirit is in the Church today. This is not to say it is tolerated whatsoever in the One True Church Body of Jesus Christ, but rather comes in falsely in full display demanding, we as believers tolerate its tangled web of deception.
In Revelation 2 we are given a small space in time to repent from tolerating this entity within the Church, just as those who operate out of this dark power source are also granted a time of repentance. It just goes to prove how long-suffering our Father truly is. Those who do not repent from tolerating or demonstrating such characteristics will be cast into, “Great tribulation,” the Word says. Verse 23 in Chapter 2, defines what we are going through at this very moment, in this season we have been granted and truly repentance is such a gift.
As the Lord defeats and destroys the offspring (spiritual fruit) of Jezebel something divine occurs — The Bible says, “All the churches shall know that I am he which searches the reins and hearts.” It goes on to say that He will give each one of us according to our works. In other words He once again is specific to reiterate His law of reaping what we have sown. And of course, once we truly repent, our sins are forgotten and washed away forever, but remember like we have discussed so many times – to sin purposely and knowingly is tempting the Lord our God. Those who do overcome the narcissist within themselves and the Church, no longer tolerating and passing this detestable fruit onto others they come in contact with, are given a promise which is the Morning Star/Jesus and have power from on high to rule the Nations.
Because the Father is so very merciful, He has set before us a very precious opportunity during this season – an opportunity to “search” the reins and hearts of ourselves. Which is why I keep reiterating – repentance is a gift. Before I get to ahead of myself, it is important to me that we all remain of one accord and on the same page. Just so you know exactly what the Lord is speaking here lets define the word “reins” in reference to what the Lord is actually searching for within us.
REINS in Greek means: Our emotions, inner most feelings, thoughts, purposes, intentions – basically it is anything and everything which has to do with our SOUL.
I believe the fact, “He searches our hearts” for the most part is understood. So to keep it simple, the Lord Himself is searching us in totality, through and through and knows us better than we know ourselves. We have been given an invitation to seek Him through the Holy Spirit, to peer into ourselves in order we be purged of all characteristics which do not reflect the Most Glorious Perfect One – Jesus.
I must note: This is NOT A CALL to search the hearts and souls of your brethren or those outside of the Church Body, but rather to SEARCH OURSELVES. And why? For the sake of repentance alone. When we stop tolerating this entity from operating in us, it shall cease to exist.
Okay…. So moving on to the focus of our discussion today on Narcissists.
I really hope you have been with us throughout the course of these studies, because in order to view in depth the narcissist it is important to understand they are fueled by a co-dependent. Therefore, they see a co-dependent as an easy target. In Part 2 of the Series we went into great detail about Codependency, so if you missed that portion of the study, I recommend you back and review it so today’s message makes sense to produce good fruit in your life.
- A Codependent wants to fix everyone and every situation.
- A Narcissist wants to manipulate and change you in order to gratify their every need and desire.
- They fuel one another via providing energy to each other similar to a demonic dance.
But for today, keep in mind, everyone has narcissistic tendencies (which is why we are dying to SELF daily) but a true narcissist does not reflect on their own weakness, but rather they prey upon the weaknesses of others in order to feed the brokenness they suffer within as wounds. Pride masquerades the true broken state they are in themselves. In order to hide the truth of them, they attempt to reveal the faults of you. The dysfunction of co-dependents allow and energize the narcissists to be hurtful and vice versa. BOTH are broken inside.
One last thing before we go into characteristics, types and tactics of a narcissist it is important to note the majority of all research I did throughout this study recommends getting completely out of any relationship you may be in with a narcissist. For the record, I do not share in that belief, unless of course the Lord is directing you to break all ties or if the relationship is causing you extreme physical or emotional harm. Like with all matters, please take it to the Lord in prayer and follow His advice. Time again He has given me strength to overcome, just as He has each one of you the many obstacles we face in this journey of life.
You do not have to tolerate a Narcissist’s behavior to love them, which is why boundaries are of the upmost importance, but we will talk about that a little later along with one of their major tools of manipulation, called: Gaslighting.
So whether you are suffering from narcissism or under the influence of someone who is, my prayer is that this message today blesses you and releases you from the effects of this sinful way of the flesh. There is no problem too large for our Lord to solve and no sin too great for Him to wash clean. He is Lord of Lords and King of Kings, isn’t He?
?Create within me and those who are reading this study a pure heart Lord. Open our Spiritual eyes Lord to the truth of us individually and show us what You desire be made known to us in every situation we are in, so You rule and reign in our hearts, lives, relationships and homes. In Jesus Mighty Name. Amen.
I truly will be so relieved when I can shut the door on this study as it goes against my flesh and is not a topic I enjoy in the least bit, although it has been very enlightening, it is not something I enjoy discussing. As with all teachings we must search our own hearts first and foremost and then glean the full truth of it and how it can be applied in our lives today. As we go over Narcissism it will be easy to spot in others, so use your discernment while we purge it from ourselves, as well.
?We are granted the Morning Star, Who is Jesus, in order we have wisdom and knowledge, which in turn grants us power and dominion. Jesus abiding inside us, brings daylight into our soul as a light of grace and glory. Through perfection we attain wisdom, which is a portion of dignity and dominion granted only to a true Child of God.
So without further delay, let’s take a look into Narcissism.
Narcissism is modern day society’s way of defining Jezebel, they are uniform and they are one. Like I said in previous teachings, but I will say it again – JEZEBEL IS NOT STRICTLY FEMALES, this entity is only referred to in a female sense because it multiplies, birthing it’s negative influence to all who tolerate it in order to be present and influential to weave a tangled web of deceit.
There is no possible way for me to fully share in our given time frame all the characteristics, so I am just going to share as lead by the Holy Spirit and my prayer is it blesses your life in some small way.
TYPES OF NARCISSISTS:
- VULNERABLE NARCISSISTS – These people are generally very sensitive and tend to be quiet or shy by nature, to disguise their chronic feelings of self-hatred and unworthiness. They overcompensate by putting on a grandiose mask, seeking to merge their identities with other idealized people. They have an unshakable need to feel special about themselves and have little genuine regard for the feelings of others. They are primarily motivated by fear of rejection and abandonment and don’t have the capacity to authentically love and care for others. They use emotional manipulation (such as shaming, guilt-tripping and gaslighting) to secure sympathy and attention from others. Their lives are fueled by inferiority complexes, which often stem from childhood mistreatment.
- INVULNERABLE NARCISSISTS – These people reflect the traditional image of the narcissist and are highly self-confident, cold and lack compassion. Unlike Vulnerable Narcissists, they are thick-skinned and shamelessly seek for power, glory, recognition and pleasure. They often suffer from god complexes, believing themselves to be far superior to everyone else – and they have to make that known and always be right.
Both of these types share similar traits such as; using others to fuel their delusions, blaming others when something goes wrong and criticizing anyone who sees a fault within them. They lack empathy, faithfulness and crave power and control. Manipulation is their tool of choice.
Just to note: Manipulation of any kind is wrong and goes against the Lord’s design. The reason being, He granted each soul with freewill, if the Lord on High did not infringe upon the wills of another, neither should we.
The Bible tells us to train a child up in the way he should go… We are not to “Manipulate” them or others to go in any particular direction. Just as the Father has us in training to rule and reign with Jesus, He is not manipulating us to do so. A good measurement tool to use is this:
Training is for the benefit of the other person and Manipulation is for the benefit of self.
- THE AMOROUS NARCISSISTS – Amorous Narcissists measure their self-worth and grandiosity by how many sexual conquests they have under their belt. This type of person is known for using his/her charm to ensnare others with flattery and gifts, but then quickly disposing of them once they become “boring” and when they have met the narcissists needs (often sexual or image/status orientated). Amorous Narcissists are the ultimate relationship con artists, “gold diggers” and “heart-breakers.” At first glance, they appear highly attractive, alluring and amiable, but underneath they are only out to please and satiate their own needs and desires. There is a tactic they use at the beginning of trying to win you over called, “Love bombing.” This is when they just sweep you off your feet, so to speak with gifts, words of edification, attention, etc… Then in a moment change, withhold love and withdraw. When confronted they may say it is just your imagination, etc… Chances are if you get into a relationship that seems too good to be true – it likely is. Which is why it is imperative to seek the Lord first in all things, especially to guard your heart.?
- THE COMPENSATORY NARCISSISTS – These type of narcissists are driven to compensate for past traumas. They feed love in others by creating larger-than-life illusions of themselves and their achievements, in order to regain power and control over their lives. This type of narcissist usually hunts out emotionally vulnerable people who will serve as the audience to their fabricated stage acts. In reality, this type of narcissist is extremely sensitive to criticism and will rarely apologize for hurting you and even in that, they care more about how you being hurt is affecting their comfort over your own emotional pain they have brought upon you. Emotional abuse and manipulation is a common method of control used by this type.
- THE ELITIST NARCISSISTS – This breed of person does anything to climb to the “top,” win and completely dominate others. Elitist narcissists are convinced that they are better than everyone else, often due to their achievements or backgrounds (or simply the fact that they were born that way) and have convinced themselves they deserve special treatment, so they stay in a perpetual season of attempting to manipulate and convince others of the same. Their sense of entitlement bleeds into every area of life, from work to the family. They harbor a severely inflated self-image and are skilled self-promoters, braggers and one-uppers. They have a cut-throat need to be the “best” and prove themselves to be intellectually superior all the time and at all costs. They will not listen to any direction or correction from anyone they deem inferior to themselves.
- THE MALIGNANT NARCISSISTS – The behavior of malignant narcissists often overlaps with that of psychopaths and those with antisocial personality disorders. Malignant narcissists often have no regard or interest in moral vs. immoral behavior, and don’t feel remorse for their actions. This group is characterized by an arrogant and inflated sense of self-worth that delights in “outsmarting” others, purposed to get away with things to the point of being convinced they are above the law and will not get caught. This type of narcissist can often be found in prisons, gangs and drug rehabilitation centers, although many manage to run free in the World today.
We, as humans, have a tendency to focus on who/what we love the most. Sadly, for narcissists it is self. Even when generous or remorseful a narcissist will focus on how the situation is of benefit to them. Remember the profit of their reward is not Jesus, it is recognition to be right.
It is less important to know the types and more crucial we recognize the traits of Narcissism in order we be purged and also discern them in others. So just like I did with Co-dependency I am going to run through a checklist so to speak, which is not inclusive, to the nature of this spirit at work. It is important to note we need to overlook labels at times, knowing a Narcissist may weave in and out of each type of narcissism depending on the goal they are trying to accomplish.
Likes to be in the spotlight
Exaggerates their achievements
Requires constant admiration & approval from others
Takes advantage of others
Cannot deal with criticism
Gets hurt easily
Appears strong on the surface
Desire for power
Difficulty understanding other people’s emotions
Need for control
Center of attention
Inauthentic – lacks integrity
All Narcissists change moment by moment depending on the current “Audience,” they are seeking to manipulate or control, so you never quite know who the real person you are dealing with is. You may think to yourself when you are in an intimate relationship with a narcissist… Wow, so and so is so nice and loving to everyone but me, because once they have attained your admiration and devotion the goal is accomplished and they no longer seek to win you over. One fuels the other, getting into a vicious cycle of withdrawing and embracing each other in this fashion.
There is a tactic most true narcissists use as a covert operation and it is called GASLIGHTING. This is a term some of you may possibly be familiar with, and for others this is the first time you are hearing about this form of manipulation and control.
Gaslighting is actually a term given based on an old movie from 1944, in which a husband used various tactics to make his wife start to believe she was crazy. He did this by messing with her mind, to the point she started to question her own reality. In a nutshell, Gaslighting is when one person sows seeds of doubt in order to change another’s perception of reality so much that we begin to question our own memory, sanity or reality. Like with all things, the degrees to which such manipulation can occur varies greatly from just minor changing of events to the extreme. For example, have you ever gotten into a disagreement with someone and then later they attempt to alter the details of what happened (usually to make themselves look better and you worse) to such an extreme you begin to question yourself? This would be considered a form of Gaslighting. It also is a confirmation the enemy is at work, because anytime there is deceit and confusion – he has been given placement to operate.
Keeping in mind our topic today is Narcissists and Narcissists and gaslighting go hand in hand. I want to briefly cover some signs to ponder, revealing you may be under the influence of this manipulation or even that it is being delivered by your own hand. To a small degree we have all at one time or another operated in our sin nature, deceiving ourselves by denial, that if I say something didn’t happen, then it didn’t. Gaslighting occurs when we force our false sense of reality onto another.
WARNING SIGNS YOU ARE A VICTIM OF GASLIGHTING:
- Something is “off” about your friend, partner, son, daughter, mother, father, sister, brother, colleagues, boss, or other person in your life … but you can’t quite explain or pinpoint what.
- You frequently second-guess your ability to remember the details of past events, leaving you psychologically powerless.
- You feel confused and disorientated.
- You feel threatened and on-edge around this person, but you don’t know why.
- You feel the need to apologize all the time for what you do or who you are.
- You never quite feel “good enough” and try to live up to the expectations and demands of others, even if they are unreasonable or harm you in some way.
- You feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.
- You feel like you’re constantly overreacting or are “too sensitive.”
- You feel isolated, hopeless, misunderstood and depressed.
- You find it hard to trust your own judgment, and given a choice, you choose to believe the judgment of the manipulator.
- You feel scared and as though “something is terribly wrong,” but you don’t know what or why.
- You find it hard to make decisions because you distrust yourself.
- You feel as though you’re a much weaker version of yourself, and you were much more strong and confident in the past or when this person is not around.
- You feel guilty for not feeling happy like you used to.
- You’ve become afraid of “speaking up” or expressing yourself, so you stay silent instead.
Now I am sure at one time or another we have all dealt with these feelings periodically, because truthfully, relationships are difficult to maintain, cultivate and grow in order love remains. The difference between an occasional bump in the relationship road and dealing with a narcissist is that gaslighting which is a way of life for them… A means to an end and pattern developed into the fabric of all their relationships, past and present. The saddest aspect of dealing with a narcissist is their inability to reflect internally, so everything is someone else’s fault. They have a, “You broke it, so you fix it,” approach which kills any form of hope in growing together in love, where we learn together forgiveness and admitting when we are wrong or hurt someone. Thankfully, we serve a mighty Father and He can do anything so we must never give up on someone.
Jesus told us in Mathew 5, “TO PRAY FOR THOSE WHO DISPITEFULLY USE YOU.” There has never been a more appropriate time in my life to do just that, than in loving a narcissist.?
Co-dependents and Narcissists by very nature fuel one another, fanning the dysfunctional flame. Like I said before, if you are not sure – look to the patterns and trends of the relationship in question. Narcissists are very skilled at what they do. While you consider their feelings, they do not consider yours and if they do it comes only from a perspective of how you are affecting them. Until delivered, they truly do not have the capability to consider your well being and only see vulnerability as a weakness. Quickly, I want to go over a few tactics of “How” they manifest themselves, so I will share some examples of the tools they often use to leave you in a confused state.
TACTICS USED BY NARCISSISTS:
- Discrediting you by making other people think that you’re crazy, irrational or unstable and fueled by emotions.
- Using a mask of confidence, assertiveness, and/or fake compassion to make you believe that you “have it all wrong” so you begin to doubt yourself and believe their version of past events.
- Changing the subject. The Gaslighter may divert the topic by asking another question, or making a statement usually directed at your thoughts, e.g. “You’re imagining things—that never happened!” “No, you’re wrong, you didn’t remember right.” “Is that another crazy idea you got from your (family member/friend)?”
- Minimizing. By diminishing how you feel and what you think, the Gaslighter gains more and more power over you, e.g. “Why are you being so sensitive?” “You don’t need to get angry over a little thing like that!” “I was just joking around, why are you taking things so seriously?”
- Denial and avoidance by refusing to acknowledge your feelings and thoughts, the Gaslighter causes you to doubt yourself more and more. For example, “I don’t remember that, you must have dreamed it!” “You’re lying, I never said that.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re talking in circles.”
- Twisting and re-framing. When the Gaslighter confidently and subtly twists and re-frames what was said or done in their favor, they can cause you to second-guess yourself—especially when paired with fake compassion, making you feel as though you are “unstable,” “irrational,” or “emotional.” For example, “I didn’t say that, I said _____” “I didn’t hit you, I just gave you a smack on the head—that’s what all good fathers do.” “If you remember correctly, I was actually trying to help you.” Or “You don’t have any bruises, so it is not abuse.”
- Isolating you in which they speak against and attempt to force you to cut ties with those who offer strength, comfort or clarity.
As we pray and seek our Lord Jesus, sometimes He delivers us from toxic relationships and other times He delivers us through them.?
There is no set law and it is individual and personal depending on what He is calling you to do, obedience is key here as you seek His face and wait patiently for Him to prompt you to act. Whatever He calls you to do, He qualifies you to overcome and prevail.
I want to share a word from Him I received recently which really settled me, as I too face similar situations in my life occasionally. One day in prayer He told me in my Spirit – “You do not have to agree with someone to love them.” Prior to that precious word, I had been studying in Amos 3, where it says, unless two be agreed they cannot walk together. The Lord was showing me it is possible to love someone and not come into agreement with their behaviors, this just goes a step beyond human love. You can love someone from a distance or close, but above all love Jesus and keep and do His word, just as He commanded.
The number one preeminence of this teaching is that we remain in constant truth. Not just some of the time, but all of the time. If we allow ourselves to be sidelined by another’s perception of truth, we start to drift and waiver, questioning ourselves and ultimately questioning God. My prayer is for all us to fully grow into the divine design of the Lord’s handiwork in our lives. As He breaks and mends our hearts to place Him and Him alone on the throne of our hearts, void of all idols and no longer seeking the approval of man, we are in a more conditioned state of mind to be used by Him. After all, we cannot serve two masters for in doing so we will eventually hate one and love the other. He commands us to love all; Him first, everyone else second.?
I know this was a lot to ingest this time. I trust the Lord will reveal to each one of us individually the path He has chosen us to walk, knowing with Him we can and do overcome all things.
Unless I get further direction from the Father, or people request we go deeper into this topic, I will put this to rest only to revisit it as we examine our walks with the Lord. Like I said a few teachings ago when we began this journey, we could talk for hours and not reach the end of the truth in this matter. To be honest, I am thankful this assignment is coming to a close, as it is one very close to my heart.
May the Lord Bless You in His Love,