?Feeling very unlovable lately ~ Except by the Lord and I am scared by His love sometimes, because He loves me not in the way I want to be loved, but rather in the way I need to be loved.
It is not necessarily the losing of another’s life that makes us so sorrowful, but rather losing the love they poured into us which leaves a vacant hole.
And that hole continues to grow bigger and bigger with each loss.
And then… There are lose who just stop loving us for no apparent reason, and we then turn it upon ourselves, as if it reveals more about us, rather than them.
We view ourselves as “Unlovable.”
And the heart breaks some more.
The Father gives and He takes away and that scares me the most.
It seems we are all going around trying to fill the void of that latest lost love.
So the chasm grows wider and deeper.
If the Father is the Source of all love, then in reality we do not lose any love, which is simply just an imagined state of reality. Because, He is constantly pouring His love into us and others. No love is lost, only the person or thing is gone and they are not really lost, but rather not appointed to be that particular vessel of love anymore in our lives.
Love is a constant and only the Father truly loves the unlovable like me.
We are similar to a sponge… Absorbing love constantly, in order we do not dry up and become brittle.
Others, are like a watering can containing love like water, pouring out continually to others.
The water is, the love of the Lord.
The more love we receive from Him, as a container we have adequate supply to pour out love to others at our choosing. Some of us are shattered, as a result, we become leaky vessels.
He is the source of all love, but if someone is not seeking Him, then they do not have the love supply they once had and just like a watering can they become empty… We become dry and brittle, as they are no longer pouring into us, as they once did.
If we could only skip the container of others altogether, and receive directly from the Lord, we would never be dry and brittle, only continually watered without lack. However, just as the Father ordained Jesus to be a conduit of love walking on Earth, so are we. It is His way.
But, the enemy has played a game on our hearts. He has tricked us to look to one another or other things as sources for love. instead of the One True Source, being our Lord.
In doing so, he will set us up to receive immense love from a vessel and then when the vessel is no longer willing or available – we are convinced in our hearts, love was lost.
Love is still with us, because the Pure Source of love did not leave.
I am unlovable to most, but to the Source of Love – I am just what He designed, because as He was created for the purpose of pouring out. I am created in His Image.
?He is surely, the One who my soul longs for.
My very best sister lost a source of love two days ago, her precious Jewel ?puppy. I am crying with her… As I feel intently, the shattered heart she contains.
The week before the Lord spoke to us about how we are “Sitting around waiting for the next heartbreak.” And now it came. I will not stop pressing the Father until I have understanding, because He teaches us, as children, through everything. In every heartache, He is there.
So I cannot sleep and I too, am waiting for my next heartache, feeling vulnerable as if I am next on the list.
My sister feels unlovable too, except by the Jewel, who was taken away.
That morning before I knew what happened, I had posted on Facebook ~ HE… Gives and He takes away and all is for our good.
I am seeing now, my mind believed it, but my heart was falling short. It was as if I knew inside, another vessel of love was removed, without even having heard as it was quite unexpected.
So where is the love? I know my sister will rise again on the third day, but the heartache that comes with the spaces in between are too much to bear. Her heart is guarded now, thankfully she already let me in. So I cry absent of her and water her in strength face to face. It is an honor to share in her burden.
Help her to rise again my Lord. Help us both to once again, see You as the source that gives and takes away, while understanding only You remain a constant. When one watering can is removed, fill that void within us. Even broken vessels are leaky for love… It is just their aim, is not always the best.
It seems as if I will never fully understand the truth of You Lord.
The remembrance of You, now seems far off and distant and the fullness of the moment has quickly dissipated, leaving now only a fingerprint of memory upon my heart, as a reminder of just how today, it is both achievable and unattainable at the same time.
I am unlovable, except by You. There is a season for everything, except for love which always remains.
Help us Lord, to be patient in waiting for the next watering can to appear, help us not to become dry in the process, pouring into us during this dry season as we reach out to You.
One day You will wipe every tear from our eyes. Can today be that day?
Today – Can You just love us the way we want to be loved, rather than how we need to be loved? Or is it possible for You to mesh the two into one, because in all honesty, this doesn’t feel like love to me at all during these hurting times.
I humbly thank You Lord, for letting me utter what most are afraid to admit.
I pray that as the love of many is growing colder, You will protect my Sister and I from the frigid fingers of another.
As we come full circle into Your love, let us see with eyes of understanding that You only take away the vessel and not the love.
In heartbreak ~ You are there, yet so is the wanting.
In the love of another ~ You are there, so is the plenty.
We are simply scared to taste of a love that is so strong as death and as jealous as the grave. The truth is, the love of You scares us.
We will not let go of You Lord and we will do our best to pry our fingers off of those vessels attached to our hearts, when You remove them. And when we can’t succeed, raise us up on the Third Day in Your love, just like You did Jesus. They thought He was unlovable too, until He died and rose again.
One day… They will come to know that You have loved us from the very Genesis of it all, just as You have written in Your word. So my request is – Can You please remind us today that You love us because our hearts cannot wait another moment for this revelation?
Thank You Lord for loving the unlovable like me, because I really cannot withstand another heartbreak, as my tears are not watering my heart like they used to.
Please unbreak our hearts Lord, as You hold it in Your hands.?
?Angela~Marked By Heaven
June 14, 2018