Enduring Sensitivity To Rejection ~
- Transcript from broadcast February 9, 2020
- Disclaimer… Just to quench the overly zealous… I understand already – we are a new creature in Christ, I also understand we do not bow down to the psychology or medical diagnosis of men and I am very well aware Jesus defeated this and every single stronghold which seeks to hold us captive at the cross and by His mercy and grace we are free indeed. Thank You Lord.
Now that we have that settled… I also want to say, like I mentioned before – today’s broadcast is not necessarily for everyone. However, the Lord placed it very firmly into my heart we need to have a family gathering to just talk a bit amongst ourselves for others too, those of us who due to our upbringing and such have an extreme sensitivity to rejection. So that is what we are gonna do today! The whole purpose of this discussion is to gain clarity and soberness of the mind in order that we walk in fullness of joy and wholeness of heart.
I remember Jodi telling me one time about a dream she had in which Jesus came to her and said, “Are you willing to walk through fire to get to me?” And she told Him, “no….” It actually troubles her soul to this day in sadness. He has shown her much over the course of a few years about why she refused and such… But, I am using that as an example for us today being…. “Will you be made whole?” Will you? Because wholeness is a process, a marathon, not a sprint. It is also not a Salvation issue, it is a perfect work issue. It is why Jesus asked… Will you be made whole – we have a choice/freewill to decide if we are willing to walk through fire (suffering) to get to a place where Jesus is our everything. In that, we have to leave the past behind us, there is no looking back and sadly, we often lose people and stuff we love on this journey. In truth, we lose our selves. In truth, we no longer seek to save our own lives, but instead gain life everlasting in Jesus.
Suffered surrender fills us with oil/wisdom in order we may be sent out to others. Which is why we are going over this today – so that we understand where we have been, how the Lord restored us for two reasons – we recognize it in others and have a sincere compassion towards them. It truly is the laying your life down for your brother or sister.
Sincere compassion is only gleaned from a heart that says I understand, in truth. The days of religious patronizing are over – as the Spirit is pouring out on all flesh, authenticity in our walk is revealed to people and there is no affirmation in those who say they understand and yet they do not. The ones sent will and are the ones who have overcome all things in Jesus in pure transparent honesty. How can they hear unless one is sent? Well, get ready you all, because Jesus is getting ready to unleash the least of these upon the World because you are honest, humble and on fire for Him! Humility is the requirement of the hour, to not be fearful to confess your past in order to demonstrate that Jesus is Lord in your life in that He Alone is pointed to as the Glorious One. Sinner turned Saint… is the one true voice which will break forth in these last days. I’ve walked through fire, you’ve walked through fire but Jesus has been with us the whole time. So whether you knew it then or just realized it today – He never left us, nor will He. He is so committed to His love for us He demonstrated the greatest sacrifice of all, aside from death… He endured shame. And some of you are enduring that same shame today, maybe even your whole life. I know that shame very, very well…
You all want to hear a little about the shame I carried most all my life?
- Dad abandoned me at 5 and the sexual abuse by a neighbor started within a few weeks
- My sister was born with severe handicaps
- My mom was so empty of love she looked to men constantly
- No one cared for me much as a child – made fun of a lot (skinny, dirty, mom got pregnant by my teacher, money/food never there, power off, etc….)
- She left me when I was 14 to move several states away…. Man again
That was only the first 14 years of my life… but to spare the time boring you – just believe me when I say the rest of my life has looked very much the same. I guess you could say I have lived the “Perfect Storm of Abandonment” my whole life. Me and even some of you have been groomed by the hands of those who were supposed to love, cherish and nurture us to be extremely sensitive to rejection.
Jodi for example was a product of a rape, her mother was a teenager at the time and wanted an abortion but her Granny would not allow it so she not only grew up without a dad at all, her very own mother her whole childhood rejected her because Jodi was an actual physical manifestation of a tragedy, evil and shameful act done to her. These stories I shared are not unique to us, but once we no longer fear to face the tragedy, it vanishes like a vapor from us and the stronghold is broken when the shame is. The enemy loves to bind and tie us to a life of condemnation through shame, but once we speak openly about the trials, poof the shame is gone and you feel so free! Denial places a barrier around the soul which prevents deliverance – I mean real and lasting deliverance – not man’s deliverance either that they speak a word over you which feels good at the moment until you lay in bed at night and the tears stain your pillow. I’m talking Jesus wholeness here! Yay!
Let’s break some chains and quench some arrows today… Okay?
If you are joining us today and you have not suffered at the hands of rejection I say Praise the Lord and may He cultivate within you a sincere compassionate heart towards those of us have been granted this lot in life. I say ‘granted” because it truly is a blessing to have been given such honor to overcome all things by His handiwork and be used as a love light pointing the way to Jesus in such a beautiful way. However, if I am discerning correctly, there is not one human who has not been rejected in one way or another at some time during their journey on Earth. So if we embrace Jesus, we will endure most everything He endured to a lighter degree, for the sake of freedom for Him to be lifted up as the Most High and the perfection of the Saints.
Believe me – I had no idea there even was such a thing until the Lord just perfectly in His way brought this to me. Being a firm believer in the truth that we gain wisdom by our trials and tribulations we overcome in Him, He transforms us by qualifying us in order to send us out to others who suffer just as we have and point them in love and comfort to Only One – His Name is Jesus. There is no need to convince or rehash all the Scripture we’ve studied recently how compassion is cultivated through our trials of suffering in that Jesus get glory and we already said, “yes, Lord, send me, I will go…” So part of that process is – He always reveals before He delivers us, which is why today we are going to talk about:
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
Please do not be alarmed by the word “dysphoria.” In Greek, dysphoria simply means “something which is hard to endure.” So see… everyone has some sort of dysphoria. We endure something and then in Jesus we overcome each obstacle hindering us. If we didn’t have these obstacles to face in our lives, we wouldn’t even need a Savior who came for the lost and we all are in need of saving. Amen.
In that there is a particular group of us who have suffered such great rejection and abandonment we are extremely sensitive in nature. I can only speak to that which I know and have walked out my own life… And with His help we are going to learn more about the why’s of what fire He chose to use for us to be purified with… Rejection and abandonment.
I often hear the whispers as I read between the lines, discerning what many are not saying to us, but thinking it in their hearts… “Who sinned to cause this illness?” Humans are always looking to blame someone for something that makes their flesh uncomfortable and they also desire we look to them for the answer, as if they actually have it. Quite often denial is all they have to offer, of which I have no desire to partake in. When one is tried by fire, hypocrisy and inflated ego is exposed so that humility gives way to seeing the Lord’s mighty hand upon a soul one with Him. Even the innocent souls at the throne are crying out saying – How long oh Lord, Holy and True will it be before you avenge our blood?
The Father warns about those who shed innocent blood… Many of you were innocent at the time your blood was shed, just like Jesus who was innocent, accused, harmed and left for dead – but He rose again and so will you!
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria or rather, Enduring rejection has gotten so hard I am extremely sensitive to it, whether it is placed upon me or someone else. That is me and that is also some of you.
Signs of RSD:
- Sensitive to what others think about you
- Sensitive to what others say about you
- Do not handle rejection well
- Get very upset when you are shunned for any reason, imagined or true
- Take criticism very personally as if they must change to meet the standards of others
- Easily offended & hurt
- Work hard to make everyone like them or admire them
- Will avoid situations in which you might get hurt in the heart
- Give up easily on relationships and move onto others, repeating the same patterns to be accepted
- Fear of being embarrassed in front of others
- You may believe you are being rejected when you are not, then a self-fulfilling prophecy occurs by pushing others away saying you were rejected but you weren’t
- When you perceive someone as rejecting you – you will change, saying they changed
- Have emotional outbursts or get angry when you think someone is rejecting you
- You do not understand someone can disagree with you and not turn away from you
- You will withhold love from those you perceive are abandoning you
- You will set high standards for yourself that you cannot meet
- Have low self-esteem – evidenced by extreme ego/pride to overcompensate or often use self-condemnation so others will pay attention to you
- Get anxious in social settings or hide behind a fake façade
- Often feel like a failure when you do not meet other people’s expectations
- Place yourself as a care giver for others in order to feel valued and needed
- May sometimes fixate on death or entertain thoughts of hurting yourself
- May gravitate to social media for interaction because you can control it and it is emotionally safe, less engaging and intimate
- Frequent battles with depression – you desire closeness, then push it away all at the same time
- Suffered severe abuse or trauma as a child, although it can happen at anytime
- Highly spiritually in tune with others and sensitive to their natures
- You may react when seeing others rejected or abandoned – which sets off your emotions to a higher level than it would others
- You imagine someone is criticizing you or rejecting you when they are not due to the trauma of your past – certain words, situations can trigger you
- Due to shame of not being good enough, you either bond too quickly or to the wrong people or refuse to allow anyone to bond with you
- You perceive you have disappointed others when you haven’t and think because of that disappointment they have withdrawn their love, approval or respect from you
- You hide your emotions from others and refuse to be vulnerable or intimate with someone
- You may have extreme emotional outbursts and try to overcompensate the pain by compromising yourself to be accepted and loved
- You believe if people knew the real you… they wouldn’t like, love or accept you
- You always assume the worst case scenario in situations
- Often say you are sorry for things out of your influence
- Ridden with guilt
- Spend a lot of time thinking about past hurts, rejection, abandonment – lives in the past a lot with regret
- Feelings of inadequacy like you are never doing enough
- Constantly second guessing yourself
- May embellish events or fake illnesses to get respect or attention
- Frequently try to force someone to love and commit to you
Okay…. I will stop there, I think we get the picture. Whew… Let’s all take a deep breath. That was a lot wasn’t it? Some of it you likely can relate to, not all of it, but some of it. You also likely can discern some of those characteristics in others, fortifying compassion within you. In truth, without Jesus, we are all hot messes. Lol When I go over this list you could pretty much say at some point in time I am pretty much guilty all the way around.
So all that we just went over is the Old Creature because once we realize we are no longer our own, as we have been bought and paid for with a very heavy price – we blossom into a New Creature. That sounds all great and all… It gives us a promise and a hope… However, we take a pause because we know deep down inside, that old creature remains asleep quite often hidden by us through the sewing of fig leaves and concealed by shame almost every day. We fear and tremble at the thought by which one criticism, brisk tone by which someone answers us or non-response from another our whole world is going to come crashing down. So we move throughout this life, attempting to overcompensate, making up for love lost over time in search of just that one who will embrace to love at least a portion of who we really are.
Have you ever just hoped and wished someone would at least put in close to the same effort as you do to cultivate love in a relationship? Or have you considered the fact that if you did not keep the relationship together it would fall apart because you are doing most of the sacrifice of loving? Have you wondered if you walked away, would that person come after you because you surely would them? All these questions pondered by the heart… Mine and even yours and I know this because of the ministry the Lord allows me to do with you. These are the ties that bind. But they are binding us to those who the Lord has not purposed us to be yoked with… If we were equally yoked with them… We would be able to walk openly and freely, as Jesus would be the Head of that particular relationship and love would remain no matter what.
I keep thinking Jesus… I want to touch you, feel you – I believe You are right there, but I cannot hold you and talk to you and commune with you in a way that relates to my human side. I know that may sound odd, but I really do talk to Him like a best friend this way. A part of me is envious of how the disciples got the opportunity to actually walk and talk with Him – He even washed their feet. They believed and even stumbled at times with seeing Him – but we are appointed to walk and believe without seeing. It holds a promise, but it doesn’t mean any of this is easier. He just gives us grace and mercy to get through it most times. And Jesus is so very understanding and compassionate – He is trustworthy too, so do not fear rejection in sharing your heart cries with Him – because when you speak to Him this way, guess what? He draws you ever so close to Him. I don’t know how He does it – but He will comfort, heal and place joy within you all at the same time – it is miraculous really!
We need to keep in mind… Who the Lord sets free is free indeed. Jesus alone came to set the captives free. But we are no longer a slave to anything or anyone except HIM. It is time to let go and let God handle us and those we love in His perfect way. Just because you lost yourself a little or your voice a lot, does not mean you are lost… And even if you are… that is okay too, Jesus leaves the 99 to come after that little one lost and wandering in the dark and cold World, shivering and scared, broken and bruised. You are His specialty. And by the way, there is no shame in crying – Jesus told us our tears are collected in a bottle and my personal favorite is in Revelation 21:4 ~~
God will wipe away all tears from our eyes and there shall be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the former things have passed away.
It goes on to say ~~ He makes all things new (you & me)
He also says – His words are faithful and true and we can actually believe them, trust them, have faith in Him as He always performs His word – no broken promises here! Have you ever suffered a horrendous heartbreak and thought to yourself – I should be extremely upset right now? That was Jesus releasing His loving healing hand to mend and bind up the wounds in your heart – it is an internal work and supernatural in nature.
So what are we doing here anyway? The Scripture I just shared from Revelation 21 is a promise to us for that which is to come – A New Heaven & A New Earth. A perfect, void of the old creature, dwelling with the Lord in which we as His people will actually rule and reign with Him here.
But what is sooooo amazing is that even now, today, in this moment – His Kingdom is at hand… Meaning one touch of His healing hand, all that was old passes away from inside us… He is in the business of making things new – making you new so that the hurts of the past no longer have any effect on us – because when He rules the heart it is only His effect that reigns over us. What a glorious story of truth this is… like being reborn for real!
Jesus is showing me a picture of His hand stretching out to each one of you and coming forth from His heart calling You is His gentle and priceless voice saying… Will you be made whole? This is His greatest heart’s desire for you as His child to be whole, to leave all that is behind you now and walk forward this day forward with Him. This takes commitment on our parts to no longer look backward. To remove the garments of old and replace them with a garment of praise. When we do this consciously, we then begin to be that salt and love light others are drawn too. As a well of pure water, He will gather those around us who need the pure water which indwells us by His abiding love within. He already told us new wine is not placed within an old wineskin. The wineskin is – you ready? Your mindset… About others, yourself, the past… everything that is not of Him must be gone. Having the mindset of Christ means, no longer entertaining the wounds of the past, but seeing all things working together for our good and the good of others. It is the difference between sitting on the sidelines observing the game or actually being a starter on the field participating in the game.
Life isn’t going anywhere… It is what it is. We’ve ran away long enough, don’t you think? So before I go… I have an “ouchy” for you… Ready? I warned you ahead of time… this hurts me too… But… The only reason people can hurt us like they do, we have them higher on the throne of our hearts than we should. We are still looking to man to rescue us in some way and love us more than they are capable of, while we prefer to please them over Jesus. Ouch – I told you so… that one stung a bit, didn’t it?
So in all this we’ve learned if we refuse to admonish our fleshly ways of the old creature we simply cannot walk by the Spirit. All that heartbreak is walking by the flesh, it is already healed and whole by the offering if we will take what is given to us so that we do actually walk by the Spirit – free from dead things. Abandonment, rejection, etc… is a dead thing and unclean – which is why we are not to touch any unclean thing. Time to let it all go, take the wisdom up like a pearl and go forth at the leading of the Holy Spirit – the Harvest is plentiful and ready, the workers are few when stuck in the pool of the past.
Old Creature – walking in the offense of the past
New Creature – walking in wholeness in the Spirit
Lastly, this is an ongoing polishing process… It is continual, not a one time remedy fix all solution because what happens in this process is intimacy is sealed with Jesus. This intimacy is not a one time fix… Can you imagine marrying someone and only “knowing them intimately once?” Same is true for our relationship with Jesus – He truly is our everything, to know Him is to fall in love with Him – which resembles love between a husband and wife only greater, deeper and definitely everlasting because this is one union that truly is eternal. It starts here on Earth, but is completed there in the Heavenly Kingdom.
You know there is really nothing more I can add to what I shared today with you all. I am going to pray before I close for today, but do you have any questions or comments you want to share first?
Let’s pray ~
Heavenly and gracious Father, we honor and thank You this day for Your mercies which are new every morning. As our minds try to wrap around Your essence we fall short of knowing Your loving intent towards us and for this we ask forgiveness in our weakness. We also ask for You to forgive us in times we were so heart sick and mind sick that we falsely accused others, ourselves and even You. Today we plead for Your healing touch inside our minds Lord, make them sober, purposely focused on You in truth, not biased in our own perceptions but give us Spiritual eyes to see all truth so that we think upon lovely things not darkness or falsified burdens. And Lord please touch our hearts, going deep beyond the barriers and walls we have erected into the hidden shame and wounds of the past and deliver us Lord by pouring healing within so that we may glorify Your Name and carry forth that healing balm to others. Help us Lord to be transparent, no longer hiding the old creature but like dead man’s bones brought to life we walk hand in hand abiding with You as a new creature. I thank You Lord for Your wisdom and that by the Holy Spirit You teach us about those in the World so intimately that even though we are not of the World we can be an asset of blessing to those who still are. Our heart’s desire Lord is to be used by You, that what You say we say and where You go we will go. Thank You Lord for crucifying self within us no matter what it takes Father, may You rule and have dominion over us as we learn to surrender more and more to You each day. In Jesus’s Precious and Holy Name we pray. Amen.
I surely pray this message today gave you more clarity with a purpose to seek Jesus continually and wisdom and understanding for just why our hearts are so sensitive with compassion to those who are hurting. As we surrender the Lord in His mighty way is working all things together for our good – even the hurts and pains, all of it will be that which takes the darkness of the past and propels you fully into His light.
Next time we may talk a little about the “residue of rejection” and a prime example of this in the Bible is Jacob. So you if want to read ahead or even explore today’s topic further in the word – reading about Jacob is an excellent place to start, I think you will be a bit surprised how you can relate to him on many levels.
Quite often we as innocents will cling to the bad which was done to us – may we walk free of that from this day forward as we cling only to that which is good – Jesus, the lover of our souls. When He is all we want, we will believe He is all we will need.